


I (Still) Depend On You

by nalialu



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Ex Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Minayeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 44,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nalialu/pseuds/nalialu
Summary: Mina had finally reached the acceptance phase, she had sworn not to cry again for that person who had once left without even saying goodbye.How would she react if after two years her two best friends told her that the girl was back in town? Perhaps, Mina would go back to phase one.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Son Chaeyoung, Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana, Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina
Comments: 13
Kudos: 77





	1. About Old Loves and Best Friends

The night was cold as the blonde girl walked the streets of Seoul by herself, with no one by her side to keep her warm that night or at least to keep her company in the cold. Even so, once the girl passed the corner of the block a smile appeared on her face as she noticed that in the large building that now stood in front of her, one of the many windows that it contained was lit up. That meant only one thing and that was that her two best friends were probably waiting up for her. There was nothing that made Mina feel warmer than knowing that there were two girls on the fourth floor of that apartment building, two girls who didn't even consider going to sleep unless they could see the youngest one arrive safely into their arms. 

Both girls had refused to let Mina go to the university for night tutoring years ago because that meant that the three of them would no longer go home together but more than that, that Mina would have to walk home at night on her own. They couldn't convince the blonde girl anyway, as she was right when she said that tutoring would give her extra money so that she wouldn't have to depend on her parents, and well, Sana and Momo couldn't interfere with that. But still, they could promise to always be awake by the time the girl arrived, sometimes with dinner ready or other times almost asleep on the couch but they would be there. 

"You are here!" was heard from the kitchen once Mina left her shoes by the door. "I missed you!"

"We met in dance class before going to tutoring, how can you miss me?" asked Mina with a giggle escaping her pink lips.

"Well maybe I'm exaggerating a little but I'm glad you're home," replied Sana before giving the blonde girl a kiss on the cheek.

"Sana?" Momo said from behind, drawing not only the girl's attention but also Mina's. "We should... you know..."

"After dinner," Sana responded and her smile suddenly faded, Mina couldn't help but feel confused and even a little worried. 

"What happens after dinner?"

"We... have to talk to you, Mina."

Mina had always been kind of shy and reserved since she was a little girl, that's how she was and there was nothing else to do but once she met Sana and Momo, Mina had found that part of her where she could make jokes without worrying about the others, she could argue and fight and laugh at the same time but also be quiet and sweet as she always was without feeling any pressure. She had trusted in them since they were eight years old and met at that dance academy. Still, Mina couldn't help but feel nervous at Sana's words, her stomach turned uncomfortably and her throat was suddenly dry. 

The black-haired girl approached Mina and put her nose on the blonde's shoulder, stroking her with it to say, " It's okay, we made your favorite soup and we are going to enjoy it! We'll talk about it later, right Sana?"

"Oh, yeah. You must be tired so go take a bath and relax while we serve the food, you don't have to worry about it for now."

Contrary to Sana's request, Mina felt increasingly anxious in the flower-scented bathtub. The first thing that came to her mind was that maybe something bad had happened with the family of one of the two girls, but knowing Sana, she would never have waited to say something so important. Then, the idea that maybe Momo had finally confessed to Sana came into her head but if that were the case, Momo would probably still be looking all red and wouldn't even be able to see them in the eyes. Besides, Momo was still in the middle of figuring out herself and her feelings. What else could it be? Mina kept thinking until the clock next to her struck ten o'clock and her stomach growled. There was no choice but to have dinner and find out.

"Minari! Are you ready to eat?" 

"I think so," responded Mina with an empty feeling in her stomach. Maybe if Sana had said what she had to say earlier it wouldn't ruin her appetite but Mina wasn't going to argue because whatever it was seemed important enough for her best friends to wait a little longer. 

"Today Sana and I met a dog on our way home, it was beige, you should see it, Minari, he had a hairy tail almost reminding me of Ray," the black-haired girl said, trying to liven up the dinner.

"Oh, that's right and he was wagging his tail desperately," added Sana as she shoved a bite into her mouth. "Remember when we went to Japan last year and took Ray to play in the snow?"

"How can I forget when he stuck his nose in and then didn't stop sneezing, it was one of the best moments of my life actually," now Momo said with a contagious laugh that Sana followed but silence fell when they looked at Mina without any expression on her face and just stared at her food not taking a single bite. "Minari?"

"Oh, sorry, I just... I..." Mina was patient, in fact she was the most patient of the three but for some reason she had a feeling that something was wrong and she just couldn't wait another minute. "What do we need to talk about?" Are you guys okay?"

A chill went up her body when both girls in front of Mina looked at each other and nodded, their lips forming a straight line. "Listen, I didn't want to ruin your appetite and that's why I wanted to tell you later but I... I know you deserve to know now."

"You have to take it easy, okay? We're with you, Mina."

Now the chill went back to being an uncomfortable mess of a stomach and dry throat again, her nervous hands playing with each other. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Jihyo told us today before you came and asked us to take the time to tell you because you are the first one who needs to know this, she warned us to take care of you, so we wanted to take it slowly but..."

"You guys are scaring me."

"It's about Nayeon," said Momo abruptly.

The discomfort in her stomach became a void and just by hearing that name her chest felt such a strong pressure that Mina wanted to scream right there, "What's wrong with her?"

"Mina, Nayeon will be back in Korea this weekend, and we will have a welcome party for her," Sana explained, her hands now holding Mina's. "Jihyo wants you to be there."

There was silence, one of those silences where Sana and Momo felt they were going to suffocate but couldn't find the right words to say and it seemed that Mina didn't want them to say a single one. Mina was looking at the soup in silence, her hands were now frozen and the emptiness in her chest simply disappeared. There was nothing, not even nervousness or curiosity, just silence. Sana felt that if that continued she would explode but Mina was quicker, stood up and quietly walked to the fridge to save the delicious soup her friends had prepared for her. Without a word, Mina continued on her way to her room and the door closed behind her.

Anyone could say that it was wrong of Sana and Momo to simply let Mina go but it wasn't. It's actually the best thing they could do, give Mina enough space so she could think clearly because the news she just received may not have been what she expected or wanted. No one could judge her, not even her two best friends because if there was one thing the two girls knew, it was how much the words that came out of their mouths would influence their friend's life, perhaps forever.

Mina wanted to cry and that was fairly excusable but for some reason the tears wouldn't even come out. She could feel how her body wanted to move, how she wanted to get out of there, run to her friends but her brain didn't react. She even felt some anger about not being able to do it, about not being able to move from there. The blonde girl had felt this feeling before. She knew well what it was like to feel helpless in the emptiness of one's self. Mina was in what would be called a state of shock which she didn't know how to handle, not this time. Maybe Momo and Sana could help but what was the point now? She was sitting on the floor of her room, right next to her bed and couldn't move from there. 

Mina was frozen and alone.

She hated feeling this way but hated more the thought of having to look Nayeon in the eye one more time, and so Mina preferred to continue sitting in the cold of the night.

-

_Mina never thought that the time would come when she would separate with her two best friends and do something on her own. Like any seventeen-year-old girl in her freshman year of university, she still felt lost and confused. She had not had enough time to learn the halls or the classrooms and even had difficulty recognizing the teachers. Even so, she decided to start tutoring Japanese to university students a few weeks ago, some of whom were older than she was, and with those Mina used to be a little more shy. She was a shy girl, always had been, but at least there was someone who was put in charge to teach Mina what she needed to be able to work as a tutor at the university. Her name was Jihyo, she had shoulder-length hair and a gummy smile like Mina's and that was enough to make her not feel as lost as she expected._

_"How's it going?"_

_"Huh?" said Mina confused, eyes on her phone._

_"The tutoring, silly. Did the university already pay you for the first month?"_

_"Oh, yeah. It's been a little difficult, but it's something I have to do to study here in Korea. Besides, maybe it will help me to, you know, stop being so shy."_

_"I don't think you're that shy, though."_

_"It's because you've been so nice to me and somehow I got attached to you faster than usual, Hyo." Mina confessed with a nervous smile that broke into a chuckle when her eyes looked at Jihyo's.  
_

_"If you really want that, I can help you."_

_"You? How?" Mina said interested, her hands playing with themselves._

_"Well, I have some older friends who have been studying here for a couple of years now, maybe you can hang out with us one day."  
_

_"I don't know if I can, I always go out with my two best friends, but I don't think it would end well by myself with strangers."_

_"Oh come on Mina, I'm gonna be there and you know me well enough now. Who have you spent all day after tutoring filling out paperwork and setting up the library with?" asked Jihyo with a pout and puppy-dog eyes that Mina couldn't ignore._

_"With you," the girl responded after a sigh. "Do you think I can at least take Sana and Momo with me?"_

_"Sure, we could actually create a big group of friends out of our two small groups, what do you say?"_

_"Okay but you must help me finish cleaning the library," Mina now said with a grin that Jihyo followed._

_"Deal!"_

_It was quite obvious to Sana and Momo that something was wrong with Mina. She used to be a bit hyperactive when she was nervous but never to the point of finding her barefoot walking back and forth between the three girls' apartment. Sana simply stared at her while Momo walked into the kitchen with her shopping bag. Mina turned to look once she heard Momo's footsteps and headed into the living room right next to the couch Sana's mother had bought for the girls once they had come to live alone in this unfamiliar country.  
_

_"Are you gonna tell us why you're walking all over the apartment or should we just ignore you?"  
_

_"I vote we ignore her and watch a movie instead," echoed Momo from the kitchen.  
_

_"How are we gonna watch the movie if Mina would be walking around?" asked Sana now, her eyes narrowed.  
_

_"That's a good point."  
_

_"I have something to say," interrupted Mina when she finally stopped walking. "First of all, I can walk and watch the movie at the same time so don't pretend i'm not here and secondly and most importantly, do you guys... want to... I mean if you're free, go out with me and, you know, some... friends tomorrow?"_

_As Mina expected, both girls simply frowned at her for a few seconds until Sana spoke again, "Friends? You mean college buddies?"_

_"Do you remember Jihyo? The girl I told you about who was in charge of helping me with tutoring?" Both girls, even with a scowl, nodded. "Well, she asked me to go out with some friends who are apparently in university too."  
_

_"And you really want us to go? It sounds like something of you and new friends, we don't want to bother, Minari."  
_

_"Don't you want to go with me?" asked Mina now, using the puppy-eye method that Jihyo used with her earlier.  
_

_"What? No! Of course we'll go, actually I'm already planning what to wear tomorrow, you too, right Sana?" said Momo with a thumbs up and Mina simply smiled because she knew her best friends would never let her down.  
_

She was so sure of it that, despite the anxiety she felt the next day when she was on her way to meet Jihyo and her friends, Mina felt safe. It wasn't long before she reached the meeting place and while Sana and Momo were laughing about how Momo almost fell down the stairs of the apartment, even though Mina seemed a little funny too, her eyes were still focused on the three girls she could see from the distance. Once they were close enough, Mina could recognize the three girls sitting on a bench there in front of a fast food restaurant, being Jihyo and her two friends. Jihyo looked bright as always, the short pink haired girl next to her looked kind of surprised and maybe a little excited, but the girl on the other side of Jihyo, the one with brown dark hair, didn't even bother to look at Mina, Momo or Sana, but for some reason, Mina couldn't take her eyes off her.

_"You must be Jihyo," Sana suddenly said, drawing the attention of the five girls._

_"Has Mina told you that much about me?" Jihyo teased her, bringing a smile to the mentioned girl's face.  
_

_"Only good things," replied Sana immediately and it was so remarkable right then that Momo and Mina were so shy that they didn't even know how to get into the conversation._ _"This is our friend Momo, I hope you didn't mind us joining Minari today."_

_"Oh not at all, it's nice to meet you Sana, nice to meet you Momo," now Jihyo said, taking a step forward to introduce her two friends. "This is Jeongyeon and..."  
_

_"You guys can call me Jeong," added the pink haired girl so Sana let out a chuckle.  
_

_"And this is Nayeon, she's kind of... lost in her thoughts." Once Jihyo said it, Mina could finally see the girl's almond eyes for a moment until the girl turned her gaze again. "Shall we go now?"_

_The afternoon was special and nice. Mina wasn't quite sure where they were headed but Jihyo said something about her and Jeongyeon hearing about a free outdoor concert in the park and it turned out that all six girls liked music that much so there was no complaint. Jihyo and Mina spent hours together with Sana and Momo talking about everything a little bit and although Mina's mind kept reproducing that mini second of eye contact she had with the one whose name was Nayeon, she tried to stay in the conversation and not overthinking it._

_At times, it seemed as if Jeongyeon wanted to join the Japanese girls, but maybe she didn't want to leave Nayeon alone, who was a few meters away from the girls admiring the music from afar. Mina hadn't heard a word from the girl and wondered if she really wanted to be there or was it simply because of Jihyo. Whatever the reason, Mina couldn't help but feel uneasy about it, she never wanted the girl to go out with them just because. Sana and Momo seemed too busy talking to Jihyo to notice, and Jeongyeon was getting closer and closer to them than little by little Nayeon seemed to not even come with the group of girls. Nayeon looked lonely, and Mina kept wondering if she needed some company.  
_

_Shortly after the sun went down, the concert was over and the six girls went on to have a bite to one of those fast food restaurants close to the park. Mina was a little quiet today, Sana noticed and so tried to carry the conversation as far as it was necessary so that there wouldn't be an awkward moment but it really wasn't necessary because the girls simply fit in so well that Mina and Nayeon were the only ones who seemed to be out of that bubble. Nayeon looked a little distracted but more than that if Mina paid enough attention, the girl seemed worried. On the other hand, Mina didn't look worried or distracted, she was just too thoughtful, even more than she always was.  
_

_"Mina, you've been very quiet, are you having a good time?" Jihyo asked from the other side of the table, her eyes fixed on Mina.  
_

_"I am, I'm just a little distracted."  
_

_"Apparently you're not the only one," added Jihyo once again, her eyes turned for a second to the long brown-haired girl next to her who seemed to be anywhere but there. "Anyway, I think we should go out again, I mean the six of us."  
_

_"Really?" asked Momo with her slightly sparkling eyes and a cute smile that Mina couldn't help but watch as Sana melted at the sight of her friend.  
_

_"Of course, you guys are fun," added Jeongyeon.  
_

_"I'll go now," for the first time in the day the brown-haired girl spoke and Mina couldn't resist looking at her immediately.  
_

_"But you didn't finish your food," said Momo but it was no help because suddenly the girl had turned her back and walked to the door. "Is she all right? At first I thought she was shy but she seems upset."  
_

_"Nayeon has been annoyed all the time lately, you know, personal stuff, but she didn't want to listen to me when I told her it was okay not to come."  
_

_"She'll be fine?" Mina asked now with her eyes still on the door.  
_

_"I'll take care of her, don't worry Mina."_

_Those words kept ringing in Mina's head even when they were finally home. Sana and Momo had come home so tired that they didn't even change their clothes, they just sat on the couch next to Mina and within minutes they had fallen asleep right there. Mina didn't mind that at all, sleeping accompanied by her two best friends was always one of her favorite things. Still, why couldn't she sleep?_

_Why couldn't she get that girl's eyes out of her head?_

_-_

Dance is an art that not everyone can connect with, and many times it is difficult to convey all the hidden feelings within oneself in simple moves, but Mina could. She could spend hours in the dance practice room where she spent most of her career with her two best friends at her side. The three of them had this dream that may have sounded silly and unrealistic, but it was their dream and having their own dance academy between the three of them was all they could dream of for now. Today was different because Mina wasn't there to improve some steps or practice for a test, Mina was there to try to get out all those feelings that tormented her all night.

Getting her mind organized was difficult alone in her room and going out for a walk would simply distract her from the thoughts that she might not want to face. The thoughts were just a name and two words.

_"Nayeon is back."_

She couldn't stop thinking about it, even when her brain out of inertia made those movements that she had been practicing months ago, she could still hear those words in one corner of her mind. They sounded impossible, they sounded as one of those nights she repeated them to herself, wanting them to come true one day but never did. Now, she didn't even think that was possible and although that was all she had wanted before, Mina didn't want it anymore, not now. She wasn't prepared to even stop facing the thought of having Nayeon in the same city, having to listen to her voice or just crossing glances. It was something that with just one thought made her skin crawl from head to toe. 

Would Nayeon be here indefinitely or would she have come back permanently? Why did she come back? Would her father be okay? Wait a minute, why would Jihyo want Mina to be there when Nayeon come back?, were Mina's questions that she couldn't stop asking even if she already knew the answers would never come. Her leg muscles suddenly stopped, she might not find all the answers but there was someone who could at least explain to her what all this was about and why she had to go through it again. Her legs shaking from hours of dancing and her body totally sweaty, Mina took her bag and left the studio room, heading to the street to stop the first cab that passed by.

She needed answers. 

Sitting on the couch in Jihyo's living room, Mina waited for her as she was apparently preparing some tea and didn't plan to answer any questions if she didn't have tea first. Mina didn't understand but after five years of getting to know Jihyo she knew there were things she would never understand about her, such as why she always held her hand when they slept together or smiled whenever she saw Mina from afar. Still, the youngest wasn't there to judge Jihyo's behaviors, she was there because she needed to mentally prepare for whatever was going to happen and needed to hear it from Jihyo's lips. 

"Are you sure you don't want tea?"

"No thanks, Hyo, I just want... I, is it true?"

"What?" asked Jihyo, her eyes in her tea.

"Nayeon, is she really coming back?"

To Mina's surprise, Jihyo froze immediately and then took a breath to leave the tea cup on the glass table that separated the two girls, "I'm sorry for not telling you in person, it's just too much and I didn't know if I could..."

"Why? Why does she have to come back now?" It was inevitable not to recognize that hint of pain in Mina's words and Jihyo simply looked anywhere but into her friend's eyes because it was just too painful for all of them, "I don't understand Jihyo, finally I... I was finally feeling better."

There was a short silence in which Jihyo stood up and walked to the other couch in front of her, sitting right next to Mina and holding her hand tight. "Remember she's been working for that American modeling company? Apparently, a business deal has come up here in Korea and Nayeon, since she's from here, will be the face of the project."

"So she'll leave again?"

"She'll be here until the project is finished, it could take years, Mina."

It was confusing, it was so confusing and hard to even think about what was best for Mina in this situation. Her heart had suffered a lot because of Nayeon and maybe her coming back was the worst thing that could happen to her now but what if she leaves again? Could Mina go through all that crying on those lonely nights again? Could Mina be strong again? Questions were going around in her head making her feel weak right there, but luckily Jihyo was holding her hand and maybe there was a little light after all this, after so much pain. Jihyo was that friend who had always been there for her, that person who had suffered by her side and enjoyed when the days were less cloudy. Mina had to understand that even though everything was falling apart all over again, she had people who would help her to build everything up, but that kind of miracle happens twice? Because if so, Mina would be so lucky.

"I'm here," Jihyo whispered, moving closer to Mina until she placed her head on the youngest girl's shoulder. "I know you don't want to come to her welcome party but I think you should be here."

"Why do you think that?"

"Nayeon will always be a part of you, even if she is thousands of miles away or even in the same room."

"Why are you always right?" said Mina after a sigh. "Thank you for letting me know."

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"I love you too, Hyo, I just don't know if..."

"Everything will be fine, actually, we should do something fun."

"But your tea will get cold."

"Who cares?" said Jihyo and then stood up, offering her hand to Mina. "Let's dance."

"But there is no music."

"Then let's sing."

Mina smiled and took her friend's hand. For the next few minutes and even hours, Mina seemed fine and even enjoyed being there, holding Jihyo's hand. Deep down and in the reality that was more than just singing and laughing, Mina was scared to death. Dancing couldn't make her forget, it couldn't help her until she was totally exhausted and unable to move, only then could Mina find a moment when her mind didn't think so much and things didn't hurt anymore. She had to go through that years ago, she had to stay worn out on the floor for hours as the only remedy for her pain.

Mina didn't want to go back to that.

She didn't want to go back to bad habits and broken hearts.

-

_After two weeks full of exams and dance projects, Mina finally felt comfortable with the idea of going to Jihyo's house. Although she had known Jihyo the longest since she started tutoring to earn money to study in a foreign country, they had never gone out on their own, let alone visited Jihyo's house before. As expected, Mina was a little anxious because new experiences always caused that in her but fortunately she had Sana and Momo by her side. It was a blessing that the two girls connected so well with Jihyo and Jeongyeon to the point where they even created a group to message each other. Of course, Nayeon wasn't in that group because if Mina remembered well the girl didn't even give her number before she left. That was fine, Mina thought, the least she wanted was for that girl to feel uncomfortable with their presence._

_The door of Jihyo's house opened, the three girls entered as they greeted the owner of the house who kept that smile that Mina admired each time. Inside, in the living room Jeongyeon was sitting on an armchair with the screen remote and seemed to be trying to find a movie to watch but once she saw the girls coming in, her eyes turned wide and a smile came out of her lips followed by a wave. They hadn't planned much more than buying take-out and movies but that was enough for a girls' afternoon._

_"Did you order the take-out already?"_

_"Yeah, I got everything ready," Jihyo responded with a wink to which Momo laughed._

_"Shall we start the movie?"_

_"Not yet," Jeongyeon took her phone and checked what seemed to be her messages. "We're waiting for Nayeon."_

_So predictable was Mina that she hated herself at times. Of course, as soon as the name of the brown-haired girl was mentioned, Mina raised an eyebrow and her heartbeat suddenly began to accelerate. Feeling anxious was normal, that had already been clarified, but what was that feeling? Mina was feeling more than just anxious, she was excited and nervous, as if she was going to blush with her own thoughts. She tried to pretend that it was cool, she didn't even comment anything related with the topic but her playful hands and slightly warm cheeks couldn't fool herself._

_The doorbell rang, Mina let out a sigh and Jihyo went to open the door._

_There was Nayeon, her long hair falling to the top of her waist, a plaid skirt and a long sleeve shirt covering her thin arms. Mina looked at her shamelessly, she didn't care what the girl thought because everyone was watching her anyway and Mina was going to take advantage of it.  
_

_"You brought dessert, right?" asked Jihyo with her gaze on the girl who was just arriving, but there was no answer. "Oh man, you really forgot?"_

_"In my defense, I was too busy thinking about whether the skirt matched my shirt," responded Nayeon, causing Mina to giggle, which only Jihyo heard, "I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna get dessert, I just got here!"_

_Immediately after rolling her eyes, Jihyo turned her gaze to the living room where the other girls were, "So, who wants to go with me?"_

_All the girls in the room, except for the one who just arrived, stood up ready to go with Jihyo to wherever she was planning to go for dessert. Jihyo smiled at the fact and nodded, walking straight to the table to get her keys and wallet._

_"Okay, let's all go while Nayeon picks a movie or does whatever she wants," with this said, the girls walked behind Jihyo until Mina reached the door and felt as if someone grabbed her hand. "Actually Mina, can I ask you a favor?"_

_"Sure Hyo, what is it?"_

_"You know that Nayeon has been a little... uneasy, right? I don't want to leave her alone and I know you're the only one who has the patience to stay with her until we come back."_

_"Do you want me to be alone with Nayeon?" asked Mina, a meaningless question because she knew that was exactly what Jihyo was asking but wasn't sure if it was a good or bad idea. "_ _I mean, yeah, sure I... I'll stay here."_

_"You are the best person in the world, you know that?"_

_"Oh shut up, just buy me a chocolate sundae and we'll call it even," said Mina with a laugh that her friend responded to and then the door closed._

_There was nothing but silence and the sound of the TV in the background, Mina tried to act calm and look at her phone as she always did when she was feeling intimidated. It was the best option because there was no way for her to initiate a conversation with Nayeon, not only because she was afraid that the girl wouldn't even respond, but also because Mina knew that her nervousness would cause her tongue to get stuck and she might not even be able to talk. As good as Mina was at dancing and even singing, her weakness was socializing, particularly with pretty girls._

_The minutes passed slowly and Mina was determined to simply keep checking her phone notifications that half were about video game updates and the other half were about her family's group where they always sent pictures of Ray from Japan for Mina to see. For a moment and very carefully, the youngest girl chose to look sideways at the other girl across the room and the first thing she saw was the girl covering her face with her own hands. Mina was worried, it didn't matter if she was shy about talking to pretty girls because she couldn't ignore when someone was down, she had to at least try to do something.  
_

_"Na-Nayeon, are you okay?" Mina hated herself for stuttering but it seemed that the older one didn't even care. "I know we don't know each other but I..."  
_

_"Why would you care?" answered the waist-haired girl, her hands still covering her face.  
_

_"Let me help you."  
_

_"There's no way anyone can help me, believe me," Nayeon's voice felt so cold that Mina's muscles almost walked over to the girl's side to hug her, she hated to see people sad._

_"Did you break up with your boyfriend?" Mina's naive question caused no more than a burst of laughter from the older girl, even making her finally show her face._

_"You're funny, I must admit," Nayeon replied before turning her gaze to the other girl in the room. "My dad is sick, too sick, and when we thought he was recovering, he just got worse. I hate that because I want to be who I used to be, I was very happy even silly but that's how Jihyo and Jeongyeon loved me. Lately I'm just a bother because I'm just angry all the time and at everything, at fate even at myself."_

_Mina's lips became a straight line and she seemed to forget how to talk all of a sudden because she just didn't expect that girl who didn't even look at her to tell her why she was acting this way, so angry. Mina felt a little lucky since Nayeon decided to open up to her, but what was she supposed to do now?_

_"When I feel angry I lock my bedroom door and scream alone, I scream everything that makes me angry and I let it go," Mina said suddenly, not even knowing why or if it would help but she couldn't be silent anymore._

_"Do you want me to scream right here?"_

_"We can do it together."_

_A smile appeared on Nayeon's lips, making Mina feel a relief in her chest because the least she wanted was to ruin this moment. "Okay, on the count of three."_

_"One."_

_"Two."_

_"Three."_

_They screamed. They screamed everything that was on their chest. Nayeon screamed. She screamed about how much it hurt to see her father sick and how much she hated feeling sad, her fear of never being able to be happy again. Mina screamed too. She screamed about how much she missed her family, she screamed about how difficult it was to try to solve her economic problems on her own because she was always afraid of being a burden to her parents at the expense of fulfilling her dreams. The two girls screamed and once the words ran out, both girls just looked at each other and Mina couldn't help but let out a chuckle that Nayeon followed, a chuckle that turned into a burst of laughter in that same room that minutes before was pure silence._

_"Thank you," spoke Nayeon, her gaze in Mina's honey eyes. "Thank you for this."  
_

_"I really didn't do much, you know."  
_

_"I think I needed just that," Nayeon sounded so sincere that Mina simply smiled because there were no words to said. Just as silence began to fill the room, the front door was opened and Nayeon turned her gaze to the younger girl once again. "I'm Nayeon by the way," the girl extended her hand._

_Without thinking too much, Mina shook Nayeon's hand and swallowed. "I-I am Mina."_

_"Well, Mina, welcome to whatever the hell my life is."_

_-_

As if it was her first time going to Jihyo's house, Mina was anxious. She didn't know if this was really the right thing to do or if she was just letting herself be influenced by her friends but there was no turning back. The night before, Mina couldn't even close her eyes, didn't leave her room and didn't eat a thing. As much as Sana and Momo were worried, there was nothing they could do because they knew Mina better than anyone else. Mina was scared, probably nervous and in pain. What would a plate of food do to change that? What could anyone do to prevent the sight of Nayeon from hurting her as much as everyone knew it would? There was no turning back now, not when Mina was finishing that red lipstick on her lips.

There was a knock on her bedroom door, "Mina, are you there?"

"Yes, I... I'm almost ready," replied the young girl, her voice almost inaudible. 

"Will you let me in?" Sana said from the door and Mina just kept quiet because the last thing she wanted was to be in this vulnerable situation with Sana as she didn't want to end up crying earlier. "Please, Minari."

If there was one thing Mina couldn't do, it was to ignore her best friends, so after a sigh she walked to the door, opening it in front of her to meet Sana's eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"You," Sana approached slowly, closing the door behind her and leaving the two girls alone in the room. "Mina, I, I didn't want to get into your life because I know this is complicated and I don't want to be a pain in the ass but are you sure you want to go? We can stay home and make food, we can do whatever you want."

"Not really," confessed Mina. "I don't want to go, no, I do want to go but I don't... I don't want to see Nayeon, not now."

Sana moved slowly to take Mina's delicate arms in hers, holding her tightly, "Minari, you are the strongest girl I know."

"She left me Sana, she left one night without saying goodbye and now I, I have to welcome her. Is that even fair?" a tear fell down Mina's right cheek, the last thing she wanted was this, to cry before going to that stupid party. "I have to do it, Jihyo is right, you know? She will always end up being a part of me and maybe I can, I don't know, fix things between us? I mean, I don't expect to be friends but maybe there can finally be peace in me."

"Then you are ready?"

"I am now," replied Mina, perhaps too unsure of the answer but she wouldn't let Sana know.

The closer they got to Jihyo's house, the more Mina felt that her heart would come out of her throat if that was possible. She didn't understand at what point she ended up in this position and even thought that maybe this was all a bad joke. To tell the truth, Mina would prefer a thousand times that it was a joke but unfortunately Momo's hand holding hers tight and the understanding smile that Sana had every time the two girls clashed eyes indicated to her that this was real and no one was ready for what was to come. Nayeon was a fundamental part of the group of friends, even for Chaeyoung, Tzuyu and Dahyun who came into their lives right in the middle of the chaos that Mina and Nayeon had. Mina had no doubt at all that they were all excited to see Nayeon after more than two years, and that they all wanted to say hello and catch up. She didn't want to be the one to ruin the welcome of one of the girls who formed part the strongest friendship Mina had ever known, but how does one separate a broken heart from friendship? How could Mina forget that Nayeon was once the love of her life?

With a chill going up her back and the sunset hiding behind them, the three girls finally arrived at Jihyo's house, the silence was pronounced from outside and Mina simply closed her eyes for a few seconds until the door opened in front of her and a crooked toothed smile and bright eyes greeted her.

"Sana, Momo and Mina... wait, Mina, you came!" Chaeyoung's excited voice caused a wave of anxiety to sweep back to Mina and she suddenly felt the need to get out of there, but she wouldn't do that, not when she had come this far.

"Well, I guess," was all she said as she walked through the door, noticing how Sana's hand took hers once they walked into the room. 

The first thing Mina could recognize were the balloons surrounding the living room of Jihyo's house and a poster in the background with bunny pictures and a "Welcome Home Nayeonnie". Mina couldn't look at it for much longer because the chills now returned to her neck and she held Sana's hand even tighter. It felt unreal that at any moment Nayeon would walk through that door, or so Jihyo said when she commented that Jeongyeon was picking Nayeon up from the airport. The only thing that made Mina feel a little better was that she wasn't alone. In addition to her two best friends, there were Tzuyu, who Mina adored as a little sister; Dahyun, who had become her lifeline over the past two years; and Chaeyoung, who always knew what to say in the most awkward situations. 

She was so entertained talking to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu that all her mental preparation for when the door opened was useless once she heard Nayeon's voice from afar, the voice she once used to hear every morning when she woke up, the voice that sang to her in the afternoon and whispered in her ear at night. Her skin turned to goose bumps and suddenly Tzuyu sat down next to her, hand placed on Mina's knee as a sign that she was by her side. Perhaps Mina hated being the center of attention most of the time but it was obvious that everyone knew how much Mina had suffered and what all this meant to her and to the whole group.

"So... I think I'm back," Nayeon was heard entering the room as all the girls applauded or just laughed because it really sounded impossible for anyone to believe. "You guys missed me?"

"What do you think, silly?" responded Momo in a smile and Mina was just watching the scene from afar because her legs were just too weak to try to walk.

It was hard to imagine a moment like that, Mina remembered how years ago Momo and Nayeon didn't even talk to each other and Mina had to be in the middle of them so that everything would be less awkward. Who knew that in months they would be inseparable? Mina loved that, she loved that her best friend and the girl she loved were so close but no one prepared her for the day when she was the one who would end up making the situation awkward for all three of them.

"So, are you guys ready?"

"For what exactly?"

"Well, I brought lots of gifts and games, I also brought a..." Nayeon stopped, her voice disappeared and Mina refused to look at her to see what had happened until she heard the voice again, "Mina? Is that you?"

The last thing Mina wanted was to look at Nayeon but since the first day, it had never been easy for her to avoid looking at her, "Welcome back."

"I never thought you'd be here."

"Well, neither did I," Mina's voice could barely be heard and it was inevitable not to feel a hint of fear in it. 

"Are you gonna show us the gifts or what?" interrupted Jihyo, saving Mina as usual from any situation that didn't seem to be ending any time soon.

The night was good, well not really but it could have been worse. Mina chose to spend most of the time with Tzuyu and Sana, a little far from where they were all with Nayeon and just enjoying the music and talks. Mina felt in a continuous state of shock, she couldn't even process that Nayeon was there so she just let everything happen since she knew that once she left there the shock would be gone and she would probably break apart. Even though Mina had that idea, it didn't turn out exactly as she expected because maybe Nayeon was going to make sure that she broke into pieces sooner.

"Oh, Mina, listen, this is your song," Nayeon said, a smile on her face that caused nothing but pain in Mina's chest. "Don't you want to dance for all of us?" Nayeon was out of her mind, Mina couldn't believe that after being gone for more than two years without explanation she would ask her to dance right there but Mina was polite and she simply shook her head for what Nayeon said, "Oh come on, you loved to dance. Actually, I met a girl in America who loved to dance as much as you did, you know? She always reminded me of you."

Mina broke in front of everyone, in front of her best friends and in front of the past love of her life.

The young blonde girl simply sighed, swallowed and stood up completely ignoring Nayeon and walked to Jihyo's kitchen as she listen to a few steps behind her. Predictably, Jihyo was at her side. 

"Mina, I'm sorry."

"Why does she act as if nothing has happened? Why does she talk to me about her stupid life in America?"

"I know, she's just... she's too excited and I..."

"Stop trying to fix whatever she does, you're not her big sister," Mina sounded furious, which no one could ever get used to because she was always too quiet but Jihyo didn't seem even a little surprised. "I'm gonna go now, don't tell Sana and Momo until I'm out there, I don't want to ruin their night."

"Mina, please, you can't leave."

Actually Mina could do it, Mina went out the back door and just ran away from there because she lied when she told Sana she was ready, she lied when she told herself the night before that everything would be fine because what kind of night would go well with her ex back in town? There was nothing good about it, so Mina took the first cab she could find and went home. There was no sense in being there, no sense in hearing Nayeon's voice again if it would simply bring back memories of the thousands of times she had heard it before and how much she loved everything about it. Everything about Nayeon. Mina could notice many new things about Nayeon, her hair was now short at the shoulders and lighter brown, it seemed to have lost some weight and had grown perhaps a centimeter taller. On the other hand, she still had that same smile where she showed her two front teeth and that loud laugh that soothed Mina's chest in years past. 

Maybe Mina wasn't ready because she was afraid of Nayeon or maybe she was just afraid of what she might get to feel.

-

_Between the courses, classes and tutoring, Mina felt she was going to go crazy. Sana and Momo insisted her not to give those Japanese tutoring lessons because it was too tiring for a freshman but she didn't listen to them and probably wouldn't do it in the future because she knew the importance of her stay in Korea to complete her dream with her two best friends. The consequences were irrelevant when she thought of a future with her dance academy but for now, on that bench outside of Mina's university, she felt that she was going to give up right there._

_She had documents in her hands, notebooks and books plus the sheets she had to use for the next tutoring. Somehow, she had to organize all those papers for tomorrow and she had just finished her dance classes. As best she could, she placed all the papers on the bench very delicately so as not to wrinkle them and arranged them in rows. She had to leave that place with at least half of the papers and documents organized because she knew that if she got home she would simply fall asleep in her bed. When half of them were ready and Mina began to feel a little more relaxed, one of the rows was blown by the wind causing the papers to fall on the floor._

_"Shit."  
_

_"_ _Wow, I didn't know you swore," a voice to her right said and Mina simply ignored it. "Let me help you."  
_

_"No, no, it doesn't... wait, Nayeon?" her voice of surprise and her half-open lips let it be known that of all the people in the world, Mina didn't think it was going to be Nayeon. "I mean, it's not necessary."  
_

_"Of course it is," Nayeon walked straight to where the papers were and Mina followed, both picking up the last paper and placing it back in the rows. "Did you see? Everything is better with two."_

_"Thank you so much, I mean it," Mina was sincere, even though she didn't understand what had changed in Nayeon since that day in Jihyo's living room, Mina was happy to know that at least she was looking into her eyes now._

_"It's nothing," Nayeon walked a couple of steps but suddenly stopped and turned to where Mina was still standing. "You know what? Let me help you organize all that."_

_"What? Are you crazy?"  
_

_"Hey! I can be a good person, actually, we could go to the coffee shop that opened recently on the other corner," Nayeon said and Mina just went silent for seconds that seemed like minutes because her head couldn't process any of this. "Please."_

_Perhaps it was at that moment that Mina realized that she simply couldn't say no to Nayeon, she couldn't refuse to spend more hours with that girl that weeks ago couldn't even look her in the eye. Mina still felt her heart beating fast every time she was near Nayeon and she couldn't help but turn even more clumsy when both girls were alone, which didn't happen very often, but still there was Mina with Nayeon in that coffee shop._ _The younger girl wondered what Nayeon's reaction would be if she found out that Mina hated coffee but for now they were too busy organizing papers to order the drink yet, and Mina, despite her clumsy fingers, was very focused on it. Nayeon was her motivation, she knew that the faster they finished the more time she would have to talk to the older girl. Mina had wanted to talk to Nayeon since that afternoon in the park and she couldn't waste another minute between papers and books._

_"Two cappuccino coffees, please," Nayeon said when the waiter reached the table and there were only a couple of papers left to finish._

_Mina knew she had to tell Nayeon how much she hated coffee but she was just too shy to do so. So she accepted her fate of trying coffee again after years and try not to throw up right there. Besides, she didn't want to ruin that moment for anything in the world. Nayeon looked relaxed, much more so than when Mina first met her and she wondered if her father had gotten better or if she was just really trying to be okay, but Mina wasn't going to ask that now, not when the girl was smiling so pretty._

_"That's it?" asked Nayeon, taking a sip of her coffee when Mina finally put the documents in her bag.  
_

_"I think so, I really appreciate your help, Nayeon. I probably would have given up right on that bench," Mina confessed, trying to avoid looking at the coffee cup in front of her._

_"You helped me last time," Nayeon now said and Mina felt her chest warm because those words, even though Nayeon didn't know, meant a lot to someone who always wanted the world to be okay. "Take the coffee, it's on me."_

_"No," Mina said immediately, calling Nayeon's attention. "I mean, you shouldn't treat me, you've already done so much."_

_"Oh come on Mina, it's just coffee."_

_The Japanese girl tried, she really did her best to take a sip of that coffee and maybe it was Nayeon's fault for looking at her so closely, for wanting to read Mina with just looks that the young girl felt she couldn't continue to pretend to like the damn coffee. Why would Nayeon like coffee? Mina thought once her lips were placed on the edge of the cup and the smell of coffee turned her stomach. That wasn't going to be easy, Mina knew. Once she took a sip of coffee, she thought that was all. It wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. She had passed the silly test and now she could simply enjoy whatever she and Nayeon were going to talk about. It wasn't like that. Life had always been very different from what Mina had always expected and when Nayeon finally turned her eyes to her own coffee, Mina couldn't do it and her stomach started begging her to throw that coffee out of her mouth. Mina didn't but it was inevitable that Nayeon wouldn't notice that something was wrong._

_"Mina? What's wrong?"  
_

_"Nothing, I... nothing," Mina lied, taking a breath and trying to avoid looking at the girl in front who seemed to be analyzing her from head to toe.  
_

_"Oh God, you don't like coffee!" Nayeon suddenly said, one of her hands covering her mouth and her eyes wide open. "Don't you dare lie to me, Myoui Mina."  
_

_"How do you even know my family name?"  
_

_"I kind of stalk you on social media after that day at Jihyo's, but that's not the point here!" Nayeon looked not really surprised but rather entertained and Mina couldn't help but laugh at how dramatic she was being, which was a good thing as it eased her stomach. "Okay, give me that coffee and tell me what you really like."  
_

_"I like chocolate," finally Mina admitted. "Actually, I like everything but coffee."_

_"I'll get one to go because it's getting late, okay?"  
_

_"Okay."  
_

_"But don't you ever lie to me again, you hear?"  
_

_"I promise."_

_The two girls walked through the center of the streets of Seoul each with their carry-on cup in their hands. The day was cold and the sunset was no longer visible but Mina felt warm. Nayeon was quite a cheerful girl, even humorous if Mina took the time to listen to her, and for a moment she thought about the many possibilities that would exist if Mina had not stayed that afternoon at Jihyo's house accompanying Nayeon. Perhaps, in the worst case, they would never have spoken and Mina would have been alone walking home, but instead she was accompanied by a pretty girl who knew how to make shy Mina nervous.  
_

_Just a couple of meters from Mina's apartment building, both girls stopped and the younger one couldn't help but sigh because today was so chaotically beautiful that it was enough for her. With a smile and words of thanks for the help, for the coffee, for the chocolate and also for accompanying her home, Mina turned and walked until, "Mina!"  
_

_Mina looked at Nayeon, still standing, and said, "What's wrong?"  
_

_"I hope to see you soon," Nayeon said this and without much ado got a smile from the youngest girl who simply nodded and walked on until, again, "Mina!"_

_"What?"  
_

_"When I say I hope to see you again, I mean give me your number."  
_

_Mina's eyes suddenly opened and her body froze because she had been silly enough not to have noticed what Nayeon was trying to say, "I'm sorry, of course, give me your phone."_

_The older girl handed her phone to Mina as she wrote down her number, saving her name as "Mina <3" because if one thing became clear to her that day it was that these two would get along very well after this. The two girls smiled, a shy smile and then went their way, Nayeon on the opposite side and Mina following the entrance to the apartment building until, for the last time, "Nayeon!"_

_Nayeon suddenly turned with a frown, "You know that if we don't stop doing this we'll never leave, right?" as she listened to the words of the brown-haired girl, Mina, laugh.  
_

_"I know, but it's gonna rain and I don't want you to get wet, so take my umbrella."  
_

_"No, it's yours."  
_

_"Please," Mina insisted and Nayeon said no more, walked straight to the girl and took the umbrella before leaving on her way._

_Mina arrived home, opened the door, took off her shoes and simply smiled because now she had another reason to see the pretty smiling girl._

_-_

Despite avoiding bad habits, Mina was a very persistent person. She didn't want to have to go through the pain of a premature breakup as she did two years ago when Nayeon simply disappeared from her life. Mina went through the stages of a breakup, one by one, and although that was years ago, a part of her never really recovered. From going through the state of shock where she still didn't process why Nayeon didn't answer her calls to being depressed without wanting to wake up the next day because her chest hurt all the time, the state of anger was one of the worst and even Mina sometimes felt trapped there, in that state where she only blames Nayeon for being the worst girlfriend in the world. The last state, the one of acceptance unfortunately didn't last long. Mina was able to accept two things, one is that Nayeon was really gone and Mina had to go on with her life and the second is that Nayeon wasn't coming back for her because life wasn't a fairy tale. After all those phases, Mina didn't believe that she would go back to the first one yesterday, that all her progress had been in vain because once her eyes met Nayeon, Mina was shocked.

Since five o'clock in the morning Mina had been in the dance practice studio at the university. When the afternoon came and the clock struck 5 p.m., Mina had already taken a shower and changed her clothes to go to the tutoring. She knew that Sana and Momo were probably worried and from Jihyo's five missed calls she also knew that the girl probably couldn't even sleep in peace last night thinking about how Mina was. She hated being a burden, Mina could solve things on her own, or so she thought.

"Do you think this is right?"

"Could we change the rules?"

"What's the difference between these two meanings?"

"Is it okay if I go to the bathroom?"

Mina knew that teaching a tutoring class was complicated when you were heartbroken, she knew from experience. When Nayeon disappeared years ago, she had to keep on giving her tutoring until now, almost five years later. She was now well known as a Japanese tutor by many other students and although she was proud of it and always tried to do her best, today wasn't one of those days when she felt confident to be there. If she turned her head to the window, she could see Jihyo in the other class giving Korean tutoring. They both met there years ago and never changed their schedules because they loved to meet on the way out, but today Mina wanted to avoid looking at the window or simply at Jihyo.

"Mina, can we talk?" the young girl heard just as she was leaving the university entrance.

"I have to go home now," Mina lied, her eyes focused on anything but the girl in front.

"Don't leave like this, not like you did yesterday," Jihyo looked worried and Mina couldn't help but be hurt, but the last thing she wanted was to have a conversation about the night before. "Just promise me that you are eating well and getting enough rest."

"You know I hate promises."

Mina nodded and simply went on her way because the last thing she wanted was more lectures.

Mina knew that she was acting extremely immature and that perhaps she ruined last night for everyone when they found out she was gone. For that reason, she needed a moment with herself, one that didn't involve Jihyo, Sana, Momo or even Nayeon. Once her shoes hit the apartment floor, Mina quietly walked to her room not before looking at the open door of Momo's room and finding her two best friends sleeping on the bed, Sana laying her head on Momo's chest while the TV was still on. Mina smiled slightly, it wasn't the first time they fell asleep waiting for Mina and she really appreciated the effort. After a long shower, Mina was ready to fight what was tormenting her. She didn't want to keep ruining any more nights for anyone and needed to do something, anything.

Carefully, Mina took that box that had been under her bed for two years, she had wanted to throw it away or burn it a couple of times but it was impossible for her in some way and she knew that if Momo found out she would kill her. There it was, the box of memories of Nayeon and her. Was she prepared to see what was inside? Probably not, but it had to be useful because whether she wanted to or not, Nayeon was in her life again.

It had been a couple of minutes, or perhaps almost an hour, and tears had been streaming down Mina's cheeks since she opened the box. There were letters, gifts, wilted flowers and some Polaroid photos that had been taken on their trip to Mina's home in Japan. Everything felt as if a wound that was thought to have healed had opened up like a new one. Mina knew perfectly well that she had never really gotten over Nayeon because there was never any closure. Mina could never hear any explanations or reasons, she just forced herself to be distracted until her life seemed "normal" without her girlfriend. It was curious how Mina and Nayeon never even broke up or at least never said so, the silence of Nayeon's leaving simply made it so. 

With the box in her hand, cheeks red and tears streaming down, Mina missed Nayeon. She felt empty all the time and never even tried to have anything to do with anyone else because she knew that Nayeon was the one she wanted. Why did she have to leave? Why didn't she take Mina with her? Why didn't she say goodbye?

"Minari?" Mina felt like she had suddenly been caught, tried to wipe away her tears but her eyes were already swollen and she couldn't just pretend to be asleep if her night lamp was on, there was no option.

"Come in, Momoring."

"Why are you crying?" Momo said directly, Mina knew how much Momo hated to see her cry. "The box, why did you open it?"

"I'm trying to move on," Mina admitted even though Momo was showing no expression. "I don't want to ruin our friend group, Momo."

"Mina, you don't have to do this," Momo walked slowly to the youngest girl who was on the floor of her room, right next to her bed. She grabbed Mina by the wrists and pulled her towards her, holding her tightly. "No one expected this to happen and it's okay if you take up some space and time."

"I just, I hate to be the one who is hurt, who can't move forward, you know?"

"Do you remember when Nayeon left, and we were all surprised but I was just so angry at her? Every time I heard her name I got upset because I knew the harm she had done to you, I was mad and willing to forget her whole existence," Momo confessed still with Mina in her arms, smelling Mina's flower hair in her nostrils. "But you spoke to me. You told me to take my time and not to get angry about someone else's relationship. I didn't understand but when I did what you said, took my time and talked to Nayeon on the phone, the anger went away. I was just sad because I wanted you guys together and even though Nayeon ruined it by leaving without even telling anyone, hating her wasn't going to make me any less miserable."

There were no words for a few minutes and when Mina realized both girls were crying. Momo wasn't as expressive with words as Sana, she was more about making funny faces to make the person happy, but today, Momo was determined to talk to Mina even at that time of night. The words that came from Momo's lips didn't leave Mina's head for a minute because everything, absolutely every word was as real as the tears Mina was wiping away.

"What... What should I do, Momo?"

A smile fell on the older one's lips as she placed her index finger on the tip of the blonde girl's nose, "Give Nayeon a chance."

"Chance?"

"Be friends again."

Mina didn't answer anything else, she simply crawled once more into Momo's arms and let her body rest there. She fell asleep, her dreams being nothing more than Nayeon and her in a corner coffee shop.

-

_It had been several weeks since Mina had been in Jihyo's living room literally screaming along with Nayeon. Since then, the group of friends had become more united and Nayeon hadn't seemed so annoyed all the time. Mina was happy with that and so despite the nervousness she felt about being around the older girl, she was ready to spend the night at Jihyo's with her new friends. Apparently, Jihyo's parents were out of town for the weekend and Jihyo chose to have a sleepover so that she wouldn't be alone. Mina was happy with Jihyo's decision as she didn't usually go to sleepovers other than at Sana's or Momo's so her excitement won out over her nervousness.  
_

_The night started with the six girls playing Just Dance. In this game, as expected, Mina, Sana and Momo won most of the time although nobody should underestimate Jihyo's talent, who for only one round wasn't tied with the three Japanese girls. Mina felt free and somewhat energized, even though for times she could feel Nayeon's gaze on her, Mina felt confident that night.  
_

_After Just Dance, the girls took the time to make something to eat. Nayeon and Sana insisted on not wanting fast food so they chose to cook._

_"Are you sure you washed the lettuce right?"_ _Nayeon insisted while Jeongyeon just rolled her eyes. "It's just that I saw a video where a lettuce had a worm and I don't want to eat a worm."_

_"The worm would run away from you," Momo said in a humorous tone and Mina couldn't help but laugh._

_"Nayeon instead of bothering Jeongyeon go do something else, anything but dessert because last time..."_

_"I get it, I get it!" the girl moved from Jeongyeon's side and walked to the table where Mina was chopping the vegetables. "So, do you like bread?"_

_"What is this question?" Jeongyeon said from a distance and burst out laughing.  
_

_"Oh, she's definitely trying to hit on poor Mina," Sana said now, making both Mina and Nayeon blush.  
_

_"Is that it?" asked Jihyo this time, her lips being a straight line._

_"What? No! Do you really think my first pickup line would be that? I really see that you don't know me," Nayeon said in her defense but her eyes were still on the girl next to her. "What do you think, Mina?"_

_At that moment Mina hated Nayeon, not really, but who did she think she was to put her in such a position? Mina couldn't help but get shy and turn her gaze to anything but Nayeon as she felt her cheeks slowly warming up. When she was finally determined to say the first thing that came out of her mouth, Momo spoke first, "She doesn't think anything because she's too nice to admit you're a lousy flirt."_

_"That's not true," Mina spoke, making all eyes fall on her._

_"Yes! Tell them, Mina, tell them!" said Nayeon, a smile on her lips.  
_

_"I mean, it's not that you're good or not, but that you weren't exactly flirting with me so that invalidates any bad comments about your flirting skills," that said, all the girls couldn't help but laugh because Mina, even though she didn't want to admit it, was pretty funny just as Nayeon's face after Mina's comment._

_The six girls had finally finished dinner and it was time to watch a movie because there was no way they were going to start karaoke on a full stomach. On one couch was Momo, Nayeon and Jeongyeon while on the other was Sana, Jihyo and Mina. In the middle of the movie, everything was chaos. Momo was falling asleep on Jeongyeon's shoulder while Jeongyeon tried to get her off, Nayeon couldn't help but laugh loudly at each scene while Sana kept looking at Momo more than at the movie itself and there were Jihyo and Mina next to each other trying to follow the plot of the movie. At one point, Nayeon stuck out her tongue at Mina, who couldn't resist doing it back because Nayeon looked so pretty suppressing her smile every time Mina looked at her out of the corner of her eye.  
_

_Maybe Mina did want Nayeon to flirt with her._

_The time for karaoke came and that's where Jihyo, Nayeon and Jeongyeon totally excelled. Mina's favorite part was when the three of them sang a trio song and really Mina could tell that it was not the first time that the three girls sang together, they had a fantastic chemistry that Mina couldn't help but wonder if the three dancers showed that same chemistry when they danced together._

_Despite how much the six girls were enjoying the night, it was time to go to sleep because otherwise Sana, Momo and Jeongyeon would fall asleep right there. Since Jihyo didn't want any of them to sleep far away from each other, she put three mattresses together in the living room so that they could all sleep together and in company. It was a great idea because Mina could still sleep close to the two Japanese girls and not feel nervous at all. But it was also difficult, she had to admit, knowing that Nayeon was so close simply made her feel butterflies in her stomach._

_When her eyes finally closed, and dreams began to take hold of her imagination, Mina heard steps that made her open her eyes immediately. They were all asleep, all but one. Nayeon wasn't there. Mina didn't want to be alarmed, but since that time when Nayeon told her about everything that had been happening, Mina was always worried that something was going on with her. Careful not to wake anyone up, Mina stood up and walked towards the kitchen on her tiptoes. The further she went into Jihyo's familiar house, the darker it got until, "Mina!"  
_

_Mina's heart almost stopped in fright, Nayeon really couldn't contain her noisy self. "Nayeon, what are you doing awake?"_

_"I wanted a glass of water, how about you?" To Nayeon's question, Mina only bit her lips because she didn't see how to say she was looking for her. "Do you want some water?"  
_

_"Yes, please."_

_There was a silence for a few seconds that Mina could swear was almost hours for her, she didn't know how to make the conversation less awkward because there was literally no conversation, but as it was predictable, Nayeon spoke, "You know, I don't want you to believe anything weird about what happened earlier, I mean, the flirting."_

_"Huh? What could I possibly think?"_

_"I don't know, I don't want you to misunderstand anything, it's just that."_

_Mina felt even more nervous than usual, and maybe a little disappointed but she wouldn't let it be known, "It's okay, really."_

_"But what if it's true?"  
_

_"What are you talking about, Nayeon?"_

_"What if I... " Nayeon didn't say anything else, she just slowly approached Mina who was only inches away from her._

_Mina could feel her heart wanting to get out of her chest, she had never been so close to Nayeon and if anything was true it was that the older girl had something that Mina simply couldn't resist. Mina couldn't avoid anything about Nayeon and so she didn't move a bit, she just stood there looking at her two bodies getting closer and closer and the distance turned into nothing. Mina had only had one previous kiss, her first kiss. It was a silly kiss with a schoolmate because Mina wanted to be cool like everyone else and play spin the bottle, but she never really liked anyone enough to want to play that thing again. Still, her lips trembled a little because this time it was different, this time she wanted this.  
_

_"What the hell are you two doing?" Upon hearing Jihyo's voice, both girls separated immediately.  
_

_They weren't doing anything really because despite the closeness of their lips they didn't even get to kiss, even so, Jihyo looked angry as hell. "We were just talking," Nayeon suddenly said not intimidated by Jihyo's gaze._

_"I'm sorry, Hyo," Mina added, not even knowing why she was asking forgiveness._

_"Sorry? Just get your asses to bed, okay?"_

_Both girls simply nodded and walked ahead of Jihyo into the room. Everyone was still asleep, Sana and Momo were hugging as usual, Jeongyeon had stolen Nayeon's blanket and Mina's field was there waiting for her, right between Momo and Jihyo. The three girls went to bed in silence, Mina felt the need to say goodbye to Nayeon or at least ask Jihyo if she was angry. Mina did neither, she just closed her eyes and let her imagination carry her away and took her just minutes before, where it could have been her first real kiss. Mina really wanted it to happen, Mina felt butterflies in her stomach when Nayeon was around and Mina always kept her eyes on the older girl._

_Mina didn't know much about love, at least not a love beyond friendship or family but that night she could learn a little more about it._

-

The dance classes were extremely heavy after the three year career. Sana, Momo and Mina were really lucky to have each other because otherwise they probably wouldn't have been able to do it in the same way. While they had their half-hour break, the three Japanese girls simply sat on the floor of the dance practice studio. Most of their classmates used to go out to meet their friends or get something to eat, but the three of them simply talked about the first thing that came to mind because that was the key to them always being so lively in class. Maybe it was true what they say that when you are with the people you love, difficult times seem easier together.

"Oh, Mina, I need to tell you something," Momo suddenly said, her head in Sana's lap and her legs in Mina's. "Promise me you won't hate me."

"What did you do now?"

"Hey! I didn't do anything wrong, at least not that bad, just... Nayeon is coming home tonight, is that okay?" Momo's words echoed in Mina's head because she wasn't ready for this but it was understandable, Momo and Nayeon were inseparable before and probably want to spend time together now. "If you don't want to we can go to Jihyo's."

"No, no. It's okay," Mina responded in a small voice and could tell that Sana seemed quite worried. "Don't worry too much, okay? I talked to Momo a few days ago and we came to the conclusion that I will try to somehow make us friends again, you know, like in the old days."

"Do you think that's possible?" asked Sana, stroking Mina's long hair.

"Well, we'd better try, hadn't we?"

"I am proud of you."

"I don't even know if I can do it so..."

"Still, at least you are trying and you know that you have us in case you feel you won't make it, right?" Sana's voice always brought comfort to Mina, so she simply nodded with a smile. "And for you Momo, I will bite you for being so cute and annoying."

"I haven't done anything!"

"Well, you're going to pay for what you haven't done anyway," listening to Sana and Momo tease each other was enough for Mina to know that she wasn't alone, even if she wanted to be, she would never be.

The laughs stopped once the dance teacher returned and the three girls had to go back to where they had left off. Today's class was refreshing, they were practicing something totally new and they knew that soon individual projects would come, which meant no more work in three. Still, the three girls worked hard and when the class was finally over and they were walking home, a chilling feeling crept back into Mina as she remembered that in hours she would probably see Nayeon again. She hid it well enough because she was determined to try. She knew that maybe forcing herself to keep going and looking for a friendlier way out of it could have consequences, but what could she lose? She had already lost Nayeon years ago and nothing else was at stake.

Mina would do it for the sake of Momo, the group, and herself.

After a bath, dinner with her two best friends and a phone call with her mom, Mina heard the apartment door open. She tried to keep her posture because it meant that Nayeon had arrived and the last time Mina saw Nayeon it went very wrong. Jihyo and Momo were right, the best thing was to face whatever was going to happen and if there was a chance to fix things to a future friendship, Mina was willing to try. So without further ado, she left her room, heading for the kitchen not without first taking a look at the two girls in the living room. 

"Sana, is that you?" Momo asked.

"Oh, no Momoring, it's me," answered Mina from the kitchen.

"Mina?" Nayeon's voice simply caused goose bumps in Mina, who tried hard not to make it obvious. "Are you feeling better?"

"Better?"

"Jihyo told us that you left that night because you felt sick," hearing that, Mina remembered in all that had happened that night and in her immature way of behaving causing her nothing but embarrassment.

"I'm better, thanks for asking Nayeon."

"Will you join us on movie night? We chose one of those you like, the ones about depressive love and stuff," Nayeon seemed excited and Mina couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her head at that moment because if one thing was clear it was that Nayeon was also willing to regain her friendship.

"Oh, okay, that sounds fun."

"What's fun about depressing love? Because of you, I had to be miserable for days after watching 500 Days of Summer!" Momo complained, making enough room for Mina to sit next to her and be right in the middle of the two ex-girlfriends.

"That's the art of cinema, Momo."

The movie started and there was no more conversation. The three girls were too focused on the movie until something funny happened and Nayeon filled the room with her outrageous laughter. Mina was simply silent but couldn't hide her smile when one of the two girls made a funny comment. The movie looked like it was going to end and Mina was proud of herself, she actually sat for two hours almost next to Nayeon without crying or leaving in a huff and that was a big step but maybe Mina celebrated too soon.

"It was predictable that they would end up together," Momo said as the credits appeared on the screen.

"Yeah, it was a shame the time wasted with that other guy," Mina said, planning in just going to her room after that and preventing any problems from happening, but she didn't expect Nayeon to respond so directly.

"What's wrong with that? She could have fallen in love with him too."

"I mean, yes, but everything would have been easier if she had chosen the one she loved since the beginning instead of messing around with the other guy."

"She could have loved both of them, you know? It's the stages of life," Nayeon insisted, Momo in silence. "She probably thought the other one was the love of her life."

"Did you at least understand the movie? She was clearly in love with him but she left with the other one to forget him," now Mina responded, her voice louder.

"Can't a person love two people in their life?"

"Well, if you want to love two people so badly, just do it," it was inevitable for Mina to shut up and not because it had anything to do with them or the fact that Nayeon left her, but everything suddenly irritated her and Nayeon, she was very annoying. "I'm going to bed now."

"Will you just go like that?"

"As if you didn't do the same thing that morning," said Mina, she walked to her room and closed the door behind her.

Mina tried to sleep, she closed her eyes and counted sheep but it didn't work. At least not until Nayeon's voice from the living room got into her dreams and her chest suddenly started to ache. Remembering all the times Nayeon was close to her was healing, it was like feeling alive and now it was all anger and pain. Nayeon's voice accompanied her in her dreams until she suddenly opened her eyes, the clock struck two in the morning.

Nayeon's voice was no longer there, in fact it had been a while since it had sounded off but somehow it still echoed in her head.

After a yawn, Mina finally stood up from her bed and walked to the bathroom of her room. She washed her face, combed her hair and checked her phone notifications quickly. There were just a couple of pictures of Ray that her dad sent to the family group, a message from Tzuyu about the tutoring papers, and a picture of Nayeon that Momo sent to the friends' group. Mina sighed looking at Nayeon's photo on her phone, noticing once again her short hair and pink cheeks. Opening the door to her room, her eyes on the phone Mina heard, "Good morning, Mina."

Once again, Mina was in shock and it was because of the same person. She quickly blocked her phone because she felt caught right there. Nayeon was there, in her kitchen doing what Mina could recognize as coffee by its smell and the youngest girl only planted a fake smile because it was more the chills on the back of her neck than all her encouragement to try to fix things, even so, Mina tried, "Mhm, hi."

"Do you want some coffee?" 

Mina couldn't help but roll her eyes because there's no way that in two years Nayeon would forget that Mina hated coffee, "Are you serious?"

"Of course not, silly, but I can make you some tea."

"Tea is fine," Mina swallowed before walking to the breakfast nook, only Nayeon and her in the kitchen. "Momo, is she still asleep?"

"Oh, yeah. Yesterday I was supposed to go home but it got late and Momo wouldn't let me go, you know how she is," Nayeon said as she put water in the kettle.

Mina took the opportunity that Nayeon wasn't seeing her to smile a little because she did know how Momo was, "I know."

"Mina," Nayeon said again, the chill coming back to Mina every time that voice repeated her name. "Remember the time we went to Japan and got to know Ray and I told you I wanted a puppy in my life?"

The smile disappeared from her face, just a straight line on her lips because of course she remembered that, Mina remembered everything about them, "Yes, of course."

"I adopted a puppy," Nayeon's voice suddenly sounded brighter and Mina didn't even know how she was keeping it cool. "He's a Pomeranian and he loved to play in the rain. Do you wanna see him?"

Mina only nodded and came close enough to look at the screen of Nayeon's phone that the girl was showing her, it was a small beige dog, it had small paws and its nose was very rounded, just like him. Mina hated that she couldn't help smiling because the puppy was simply too cute to act tough until her eyes turned to the next picture, which was a picture of Nayeon and a unknown girl. Mina remembered yesterday's fight with Nayeon and although it was noticeable that neither of them wanted to return to the subject, Mina thought that perhaps what Nayeon was saying was more like a hint of reality. It was strange because of all things in life, Mina had never thought about it. She thought that Nayeon had stopped loving her, that they weren't meant to be or that Nayeon was just young and a coward but she had never thought about the fact that maybe in America Nayeon had found that other person, her other half that Mina couldn't be. 

"Girls?" Sana suddenly said, neither of them had heard the girl's footsteps.

"I need to go," Mina said suddenly, turning away from Nayeon altogether.

"Where to? Do you have tutoring?"

"No, no, I... I'll go practice."

"But today is our day off!"

"I'm sorry," Mina swallowed, looked at Nayeon for a second, then said, "The puppy, he's cute," and left.

In the practice room the tears began to fall down her cheeks and Mina was angry, not with Nayeon this time but with herself. She played one of her favorite songs, the one she had listened to until she got tired of it when Nayeon had left and she danced to it with so many feelings, so much anger, surprise, and love that she simply collapsed on the floor after that, Nayeon in mind.

-

_Mina and Momo had been rehearsing the choreography they were to perform in a duet for the dance project that Sana wasn't participating this year. The two girls had been working tirelessly, night and day, from morning till evening, until Mina had to go and do her tutoring. That day was no exception, since seven o'clock in the morning the girls had been practicing. Fortunately for them, the teacher always kept the dance studio open to his students so they took that opportunity to train like never before. Mina had always admired how hard working Momo was, always one step ahead when it came to dance so joining her this time was the best idea._

_"Do you want a break?" asked Momo as she walked to her water bottle waiting on the floor._

_"Yes, I need to control my breathing," answered Mina as she laid her back on the cold wall. "Who are you talking to so smilingly?" Mina teased, looking at Momo smiling at her phone._

_"Me? I'm just talking to Nayeon, apparently she has the afternoon off and wants to come watch us practice, what do you think?"_

_Mina's smile disappeared for a moment and not because she didn't want to see Nayeon, she was fascinated by the idea but knew that since that night they had not spoken again except for simple greetings or some group talk. Mina didn't know what to do because she wasn't going to say no to Momo bringing Nayeon to the practice studio but she also didn't want to have to look Nayeon in the eye and try not to blush at all. If her memory was right, Nayeon and Mina almost kissed that night, how was she supposed to talk to her as if nothing had happened?_

_"Oh, that's okay," finally Mina responded not quite sure of her answer._

_"Are you okay?"_ _Momo suddenly asked, maybe Mina looked a little scared but who could judge her?_

_"Yeah, I'm just a little tired, we've been exercising a lot today."_

_"Oh, that's right, do you want to go get something to eat?"_

_"Sounds great."_

_Lunchtime was one of Momo's favorite times of the day along with all the other times Sana was with her. She always loved everything about food, Mina came to the conclusion that maybe she had so much energy because she ate a lot and that made a lot of sense so years ago she tried to apply the same method but it didn't work. It seems that Momo was simply born to dance, and Mina was going to continue to make her her inspiration. Still, as much as she enjoyed watching Momo devour her food, she simply couldn't take a bite because she was nervous and hated Nayeon. Once again, she didn't really hate her, but she hated having to feel so many emotions every time the girl would be near her. Perhaps, more than nervous, Mina was excited but she wouldn't say that out loud._

_"If you don't eat your food, I'll eat it," Momo jokingly warned, bringing a smile to her friend's face._

_"Have you ever felt nervous about seeing someone?" Mina took advantage of the fact that Momo was eating as she probably wouldn't analyze things too much._

_"It depends, someone like the school principal or someone like a friend?"_

_"Yeah, someone like a friend."_

_"Well, you and I are very shy so I guess it's normal," Momo said before taking a bite, "You know, that happened to me with Sana when we were just starting to talk in that dance academy in Japan," said this, Mina giggled and finally took a bite of her food._

_Momo had been in love with Sana for years and that, in addition to being extremely cute, left her with a bad taste in her mouth when compared to what Mina felt every time she saw Nayeon, was_ _this what love felt like?_

_It wasn't long before the two girls were back in the dance studio waiting for Nayeon. Mina felt her stomach turn, not in a bad way she thought, because what was wrong with seeing Nayeon? Nayeon was perfect, Mina could swear that the girl's parents must be some kind of gods because every feature of Nayeon was beautiful, her nose was shaped perfectly and her eyes were big and bright, Mina would consider Nayeon a model if she didn't know she was a law student. Besides, what model can be that pretty and funny? Not all of them, Mina was sure of that but Nayeon could be. She always knew how to make someone laugh and if not, at least she would say something silly to relax the atmosphere. Nayeon had everything and Mina wasn't afraid of her, she wasn't afraid of Nayeon but she was just starting to feel so much that she didn't know how to control it, or if even that was possible._

_At the least expected moment, Nayeon walked through the door, a smile on her face as she watched the two girls from afar, "Well dancers, I'm ready to see you dance."_

_"Do you think we were really going to dance in front of you?"_

_"You are a mean person, Hirai Momo," Nayeon said with a pout on her lips, Mina thought she looked cute, "You would dance for me, wouldn't you Mina?"_

_No, Mina wasn't afraid of Nayeon but she couldn't help but turn into a blushing mess at her words, "Me? I, well, maybe."_

_The two older girls laughed at her answer and Mina simply covered her face with her hands until the shame passed quickly. Within minutes the three girls were on the floor of the practice studio talking about how much Nayeon hated her law teacher, how Momo was hungry again, and the fact that Mina was too tired to tutor today. As soon as the topics came to a close, Momo stood up suddenly, "Actually, Nayeon, today is your lucky day because we're going to dance here and now."_

_"What? Really?"_

_"Wait, I have a call," the two girls simply watched Momo talk to who they figured was Sana and once the call was over, Momo continued, "OKay so... Sana is in trouble, nothing very big but apparently she lost her locker keys so wait for me here okay?"  
_

_The two girls nodded and watched Momo run out to save Sana. Mina started to feel a little nervous again but just as Nayeon looked at her she knew that maybe there was a real reason to feel that way. There was silence for a few seconds, the two girls were still on the floor of the practice studio and when Mina thought that perhaps she would be saved from this, Nayeon spoke, "_ _So, can we talk?"_

_"Talk about what?"_

_"Oh come on, you and I know what I'm talking about," Nayeon slowly approached Mina, both of them still sitting on the studio floor. "That night, if Jihyo hadn't been there, what do you think would have happened?"_

_Mina knew the answer even from that very night but was she sure to admit it in front of Nayeon? She didn't think so, "Well, I don't know."_

_"Remember that day you lied to me about your liking for coffee? You promised not to lie to me anymore!"_

_She had a point and Mina just didn't want to lie anymore, "You could have been my first kiss, well theoretically the second one but the first one that had meaning."_

_Nayeon let out a laugh and Mina could finally feel her shoulders relax as she heard the sound of the older girl's laugh in her ears, "Mina, I have a crush on you."_

_Now it was Mina who laughed because the words that came out of Nayeon's mouth were totally unexpected to her, "A crush? You mean, you think I'm pretty?"_

_"A crush like I want to kiss you right here, I don't care that you are sweaty and that at any moment a teacher or Momo and Sana may come," Nayeon said directly, her eyes on Mina and the younger girl simply couldn't react. "I like you, Mina, I thought it was obvious."_

_"It was! At least I felt like you were all smiles and flirting, you know," it was the truth, Mina always felt something about Nayeon from the second time they met but she wasn't going to admit it until she was sure about it. "But I never really thought you'd like me."  
_

_"Why? You're really beautiful, Mina."_

_"I don't know, maybe because I'm just Jihyo's friend?"_

_"What? You're my friend now, I know the first time we met I could look kinda grumpy but you made me feel better, you know? And even though maybe everything with my dad and his illness isn't great right now, thanks to you at least I can let go of things and feel less lonely," Mina couldn't help but be touched by Nayeon's words and in fact, she couldn't even believe all of that was real, "So, will you let me kiss you or not?"_

_Mina gave her first second kiss in that dance practice studio where she used to go almost every day. A soft kiss, it didn't last long but long enough for Mina to taste Nayeon's lips and become addicted from that moment on. Nayeon's long hands were cupping Mina's cheeks and the younger girl put hers on Nayeon's neck, bringing her closer. For a moment, Mina had forgotten all that anxiety she had and let her feelings fly, let out all that she was avoiding and surrendered to what seemed to be love. Mina didn't know if that was love but at least it was the closest thing to butterflies in her stomach and kisses on the sly._

_"Should we tell Momo and Sana?"  
_

_"I think we can keep it between us for a while," Nayeon responded and moved a little closer, rosing Mina's nose with hers and planting a second kiss._

_That afternoon when Momo and Sana came back, the girls were simply lying on the floor looking at the ceiling with silly smiles on their lips. The three older girls went home and Mina stayed behind to her tutor lesson. Maybe Mina never noticed it but Jihyo knew something was up ever since but Mina denied it. She lied to Jihyo because the kisses that she and Nayeon shared that day were only theirs and no one else needed to know._

_-_

There had always been a code in the group of friends. It was a code in which it was understood that if anyone needed help they could come to Jihyo's house and there they could all meet together. Even though Jihyo didn't live completely alone, she always felt alone in that house so the group of friends had decided that this would be their meeting place. Mina knew this and knew that if she sent a message to the group of friends they would probably all run to Jihyo's place but this morning, Mina didn't want that. She didn't want everyone running for her or looking for ways to help her because this was only her thing to do and she had to fix it. However there was one person who she wanted by her side and that's why when the clock struck 7 in the morning, Mina was ringing Jihyo's doorbell. 

"Mina? What are you doing here so early?" Jihyo said once she opened the door, even in her pajamas and messy hair.

"I needed to see you. Well, I just need someone and you've always been that someone," Mina admitted, she had never been shy or awkward with Jihyo because from day one she had always been a support in her life. "Can I come in?"

"Of course, come in," Jihyo stepped aside, letting the youngest girl pass inside the house that was now so familiar. "Tzuyu is here, she stayed over yesterday because she is not feeling well lately."

"Oh, really? Where is she?"

"She's in my bed, do you want to go wake her up?" Jihyo said once with a teasing smile but deep down, she knew that Tzuyu adored Mina as an older sister and would be too happy to be surprised.

So the two girls tiptoed around, walked into Jihyo's big room and looked at the sleeping girl so peacefully that neither of them wanted to wake her up but when the girl opened her eyes as she heard the other two whispering to each other, a big smile came to her lips, "Mina!" the girl said, calling the attention of the said girl who walked to the bed, lying next to the younger girl.

"I didn't expect to find you as a beauty sleeping in Jihyo's bed," Mina said with a smile on her lips and her head lying on the pillow next to Tzuyu, Jihyo quickly accompanying them until all three were in bed. "Are you okay?"

"Well, I have to go tutor today and I'm really sleepy so I'm not that happy," Mina remembered for a moment that it was thanks to these tutoring lessons she and Jihyo met Tzuyu who, like Mina, was trying to tutor in order to have the economic stability to live there, and thanks to this too, Dahyun and Chaeyoung came into their lives along with Tzuyu.

"I'm serious, silly, are you okay like in general?"

"What do you think, Hyo? I should tell Mina?" Once again, Mina felt lost between two of her friends not understanding what was going on but luckily for her, Jihyo nodded and Tzuyu continued, "I confessed to Chaeyoung and she... she rejected me."

Like a bucket of cold water, Mina remembered that she wasn't the only person in the world having a hard time. Of course, she knew that Momo was struggling to understand her feelings for Sana, and she also knew that Jeongyeon had been wanting to talk to a girl at the university for months, but Mina didn't process that what she was going through was probably happening to many more people, and Mina was simply another victim of fate. Tzuyu had always been too attached to Chaeyoung and just as Nayeon and Mina years ago, they had always been teased about whether they liked each other or why they flirted with each other all the time but Mina never thought about their feelings, she never thought that maybe what Mina once felt for Nayeon was so similar to what Tzuyu felt for Chaeyoung. 

"Tzu, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, that's life, isn't it?" Tzuyu looked a little optimistic but if Mina knew anything it was that her friend's behavior was thanks to Jihyo because she had also gone through the whole thing of staying at Jihyo's house and feeling strong again until once again she was alone and remembered that everything she once loved slipped through her fingers. "I think she's just a silly coward who's afraid to ruin our friendship and it's understandable, you know?"

"Believe me, I know it better than anyone else," Mina said, a lump in her throat. "You must fight, Tzuyu. If you're really in love with her, you must fight to make it work and if it doesn't work, maybe you were never meant to be together and that's okay. Not all of us fall in love with the right person the first time."

"You still love her, don't you?" Although Mina didn't want to admit it, she felt extremely attacked by that question.

"Just fight for Chaeyoung, okay?"

"I will, and right now I'm gonna go take a shower because I have tutoring in an hour," Tzuyu said, and Mina planted a little kiss on her cheek before letting the girl out of bed.

The next few hours were nothing but laughter and everyday talk. After lunch, the girls didn't want to mention anything very relevant to the topic of why Mina was there and the reason was that since Tzuyu's comment, Mina seemed a little scared. Jihyo was not going to judge her, Mina was in a delicate state where the one she believed to be the love of her life one day simply left with all her things to America to fulfill her dream of being a model without even a goodbye text. It was understandable the trauma of distrust that Mina carried, how difficult it was for her to say how she felt to anyone because what if they left too? Besides, how could one person forget another without even understanding what happened? What did she do wrong? Why? Jihyo was always going to respect and love Mina, perhaps even more than she should.

"It's late, don't you want me to call a cab?" said Jihyo holding her friend in her arms from behind while she was too busy playing video games.

Mina stopped the game suddenly, turning her head to look at Jihyo, "Is it... is it okay if I stay over?"

Jihyo's smile answered her question but she also added, "Just let Momo and Sana know, okay?" to which Mina nodded.

After talking to Tzuyu and spending the day with one of her best friends she came to the conclusion that she was going to hold on to her friend to forget everything a little bit in her arms. Mina knew that Jihyo was too good, from the first day they met and Mina had always tried to be just as good to her, compensating her for all she had done for her in those days when everything was unforgettable memories and lonely nights. Even if Mina wanted to, she couldn't stop leaning on her. She only hoped that Jihyo would do the same, that she would lean on Mina in the dark days even though Jihyo never seemed to have any. 

The night was nothing but hugs and late-night chats. The two girls simply lay down on Jihyo's big bed, side by side as the music played in the background. Mina felt safe, Jihyo was that safe place she always went to. 

"Hyo, do you think there is a chance for Nayeon and I to be friends and everything will return to the way it once was?" Mina asked suddenly, drawing her friend's attention.

"Well, you were never friends or at least there was always a feeling of more than friends."

"Maybe you're right," Mina whispered, Jihyo was always right and this time was no exception. "I'm scared."

"Oh, why?"

"I'm afraid that I haven't gotten over her and if we become friends it hurts me even more to have her near than far, you know?" The words that came out of Mina's mouth had been haunting her head for days but she didn't know how to say it or maybe she didn't want to face it. "Jihyo, stay with me."

Jihyo wouldn't say it and didn't even think about making a big deal out of it for fear of making Mina sadder, but hearing those words hurt. They hurt too much to the point that the tears threatened to fall because Jihyo had so much inside. She was carrying a lot of secrets and repressed feelings that she could only endure because she had Mina by her side, because she could hold her hand and make her smile in the most difficult moments. 

"I am here," Jihyo whispered, the light off and only her friend at her side. "I am not going anywhere."

When Jihyo noticed, Mina was already asleep. There was no response other than a snore and Jihyo smiled, moved closer to Mina and planted a kiss on her forehead, then another on her cheek and when her lips were only inches away from Mina's, Jihyo stopped.

There was no point in kissing someone who was probably dreaming of someone who wasn't Jihyo. 

_-_

_Months had passed in which everyone in the group of friends could sense that something was going on with Nayeon and Mina but no one really knew what it was. If Mina was sincere, she liked that adventure of hiding with Nayeon somewhere no one would see them or having to lie about where she was going, it was like a kind of challenge and Mina loved challenges. Even so, she knew they couldn't keep it hidden, much less from the people they loved. Besides, sometimes it was boring not being able to tell her friends how she spent the afternoon at Nayeon's both girls curled up in bed all day or when they went for a walk to that river that the three Japanese girls had wanted to go but never really did. Lying, no matter how much fun it seemed, always had consequences and Mina began to hate it._

_"Nayeon," Mina called her friend who wasn't just her friend but they were too cowardly to put a name to whatever they were.  
_

_"What's wrong, baby?" answered Nayeon, her head on Mina's chest and her eyes closed, inhaling the smell of flowers that Mina possessed._

_"Wouldn't you like it if we could like go shopping hand-in-hand or kiss on the way out of the university?" Mina was nervous to ask , she could feel a cold sensation running through her body but it was time to do it._

_"Well, of course I do, in fact it would be very nice. Imagine if we could... you know, have a proper date," the younger girl would never get tired of looking at Nayeon blushing when she said something cute and honestly, Mina was okay with that. "Why do you ask that? Do you think it's time?"_

_"I'm not sure, I know that Momo and Sana will be happy but there's a kind of fear of ruining the group of friends, you know," she was being sincere, Nayeon had shown her that she could trust her and although sometimes Mina could get shy, she never lied.  
_

_"I don't want that to happen."  
_

_"Yeah, me neither."_

_"What do you think Jihyo and Jeongyeon will say?" Nayeon asked, eyes on Mina._

_"I think Jeongyeon will tease us a lot and probably say something like, 'I knew it' when she didn't really know it," both girls laughed at the comment, Nayeon moving a little higher, her cheeks now next to Mina's. "About Jihyo, I'm not sure. She brought us together and maybe she can get scared, you know, like we'll push her away? I don't know, I don't want her to think that."_

_"She won't, she knows better than that," Nayeon responded with a confident smile before planting a kiss on Mina's lips. "I think I owe Jihyo a big one for introducing me to you."_

_"Oh God, you're so cheesy!" Mina said once Nayeon parted from her lips._

_"Aren't you the one who wants us to walk around holding hands and kissing in the streets?"_

_"Maybe we're both cheesy," a smile escaped her lips, coming closer once more to give another kiss to the girl she was beginning to adore. "We should tell the girls, actually, we can be even more cheesy together and make a whole meeting to announce it."_

_It was finally Saturday night and Mina was nervous. They had already talked to Jihyo about going to her house and meeting all together, but she didn't say the reason, not even if Momo insisted on it for hours. If Mina analyzed her friends well enough, she was sure that the only one who could know or at least have an idea of this was Momo. In a short time she had become inseparable from Nayeon and had always been inseparable from Mina so it was very likely that she would have noticed something by now. Despite this, Mina couldn't stop thinking about all the possibilities of admitting in front of everyone that she was in love with Im Nayeon.  
_

_Mina had arrived a bit late with her two best friends and they were all already there, including Nayeon. They both looked at each other, a look of 'everything will be fine' that Mina appreciated. Once they were all together, had greeted each other and were simply sitting in the back yard of Jihyo's house looking at the stars, Nayeon stood in front of everyone and said, "I like Mina." Everyone was shocked, including Mina, and in the background Momo was heard laughing, a laugh that might mean she either didn't understand at all or understood too well. "And she likes me, we discovered it a few months ago and we started seeing each other on the sly but what's the point of being together if we can't make you all jealous? So here we are, Mina and I are dating."_

_"I knew it!" Jeongyeon said to which Mina simply laughed._

_"This is not April's joke, is it? Because we are past April!" added Sana now, her eyes wide open._

_Although they were all surprised and perhaps a little excited, there was one girl who didn't say a word, Jihyo just looked at the scene but her lips were a straight line. Mina saw that, and she wanted to go to her, wanted to ask her what she thought about it but couldn't because Sana was quickly all over her telling her how big she was now and how much she had looked forward to this moment. Mina was grateful because most of the girls only showed love, there wasn't even any resentment or anger because it took them so long to say it and the truth was that nothing felt better than being able to hold Nayeon's hand in front of the people she loved._

_Before saying goodbye to go home with her two best friends, Mina looked for Jihyo who was in her room and apparently had to study and look for some books. Mina simply knocked on the door and walked in, finding Jihyo with a diary in her hand._

_"We're leaving now," Mina said.  
_

_"All right, lock up before you leave."  
_

_"Is that all?"  
_

_"What else do you want?"  
_

_"I don't know, maybe a congratulations because I found love?"_

_"Oh come on, we are not children," with this answer, Mina could confirm that Jihyo was indeed upset because she would never say that, Jihyo would never minimize Mina's feelings._

_"You are angry because we didn't tell you before, right? I'm really sorry it was all just too quick and we wanted to find out what we were feeling by ourselves," Mina explained, hoping that was enough to get Jihyo to talk, but it didn't happen. "Hyo, please."_

_"I'm sorry," she finally said, looking at her diary. "I'm sorry for acting like this when I know it's something important to both Nayeon and you, it's just that I... I, Mina."_

_"What's going on? You can tell me whatever you want, you know it!"_

_Jihyo swallowed and closed her eyes, once again keeping the words she wanted to say and just letting out what everyone wanted to hear, "I'm happy for you, I just... hope you're happy too."_

_Mina and Jihyo hugged each other before Mina walked out the door leaving a broken heart behind._

_-_

It was no surprise to the younger girl that her two best friends were always looking out for her. The three of them had spent a lot of time together since they met at age seven at a dance academy in Japan. Since then, the friendship blossomed and when they reached their teens, the three girls were sure of one thing and that was that they would try to fulfill their dreams as three. That meant having to go abroad together, to a country they didn't know and a language they barely knew the basics of. That's why the three best friends never left each other even when there were childish fights between them, they always took care of each other as they had no one else but themselves. Mina was the youngest so even though she was already 22 years old, she was still that little girl Sana and Momo had to take care of.

"Did you really stay at Jihyo's?"

"Are you okay? Did Nayeon do something to you?"

"Did you have a nice breakfast? Did Jihyo take care of you at night?"

"Yes, yes and no yes and yes," Mina responded with a laugh because Sana and Momo were adorable. "You don't have to worry, really. I just wanted to spend some time with Jihyo and I slept very well actually."

"If there's something wrong, you''ll tell us, right?" Sana now asked, her eyes showed nothing but pure worry.

"Of course," Mina affirmed, slowly closing in on her friend to give her a big hug and finally moving from the living room to her room because just as she walked into the apartament her two best friends filled her with questions. "I'll probably go to practice later, is that okay?"

"I would have preferred that you stay and have lunch together but that's okay, whatever makes you feel better."

"I love you guys, you know that, right?"

"So do we, Minari," said Momo and the three girls smiled because the truth was that words weren't necessary to know how much they loved each other.

On her way to the practice studio, Mina couldn't help but feel a little down. She was afraid that Sana and Momo would think that she was just as bad as before and it hurt her to see that they were so worried all the time. Two years ago, Mina would go every day, and most of the time during the day, to train as a way to distract herself, but it was so toxic because there was no rest, no break in her life because she was so busy that her body would pass out several times and Sana and Momo would only worry. It was a behavior that Mina wasn't proud of, she regretted it but she knew the reason why she did it and if she hadn't, what would have happened to her? The best she could find was to exhaust herself to the ground but even so, at the times when Mina couldn't even stand up, Nayeon never left her mind. 

For that reason, Mina was not going to do that today and probably never again, because she more than anyone else saw how people around her suffered and she was the one who suffered the most at the end of it all. So today she went to the practice studio not out of anger or to get distracted, it was because she had a whole damn individual project to do and she wanted to do it well so she could pass the course and stay there, always close to her friends.

This is how the afternoon began between steps and choreography, techniques and moves that Mina had learned throughout her career as a dancer. She had to do this project as best she could if she wanted to achieve her dreams because this time there was neither Momo nor Sana to lean on. As a child, Mina hated individual work but today Mina was sure she could do it and she wasn't going to stop until she did, or so she thought because suddenly the studio door knocked and Mina had to stop her practice and go see who the hell was there. 

When Mina opened the door she was expecting one of these three people: her teacher, Momo or Jihyo.

It was none of them.

"Nayeon?" the girl let out a gasp just as she saw who was in front of her.

"I knew you'd be here," replied the older girl, not a bit surprised by the way Mina looked at her as if she just saw a ghost. "Were you practicing?"

"Oh, yeah. I have a project coming up, but... what are you doing here?"

"I'll be honest, I wanted to see you," hearing Nayeon's words, Mina couldn't help but feel goosebumps all over. "I think we should at least try to talk for the good of the group and of us, you know?"

Nayeon was right and for that reason Mina stepped aside to let the girl pass. They both sat down right where years ago their hidden kissing place was, one of the many places where there were only the two of them in the world, "Okay, let's talk."

"You know, I was hoping that by the time I got back Momo would be brave enough to confess to Sana, but apparently I have to come all this way to make that happen," Nayeon said with a laugh, relaxing the atmosphere as always.

"I was hoping for that too but I haven't really talked about it, you know Momo and she needs her time," Mina said, she knew that there were more important things to talk about but she just didn't want to rush things.

"Do you think Sana would reject her?"

"I don't think so, I mean, I can't say that Sana likes her because you know she's too affectionate with everyone but one thing I'm sure of is that Sana loves Momo, maybe more than she admit."

A silence followed, Mina was aware that not saying anything was going to end in the two girls wandering off again and Mina didn't want that, she really wanted to make this friendship thing work. When they talked about Sana and Momo, Mina felt like she was talking to someone she trusted again and she felt good, even though she knew that trust didn't exist towards Nayeon but at least she felt like they could go back to what they once were. Of course Mina was afraid that Nayeon would leave again, that she would feel more than she should or simply that she would never be able to look at Nayeon more than the person who broke her heart. It hurt and even anger still existed but Mina had taken her time to understand herself and at least, she could now control her feelings and think in a cold head, was it worth going through it all again?

"Let's be friends, I promise I'll try," Mina said suddenly, taking the courage to let it out of her chest.

"Will you really do it?"

"It's a promise, and you know how I feel about them."

"A promise is made to be kept, otherwise it's better not to even think about it, right?"

"You remember."

"Of course I do, and I still remember the amazing choreographies you used to dance to. Can I see you dance again?" The question was a bit risky because Nayeon knew that Mina had never danced in front of her since that last night. Since the night when at sunrise the left side of the bed where Nayeon used to sleep was cold and empty.

After a few seconds Mina finally spoke, "Okay, I'll do it," she said hesitantly but no one could say she didn't try. 

-

_Since Mina and Nayeon finally decided to reveal to the world that they liked each other, it was all love. Not only from their friends but also from Nayeon's parents and even Mina's parents who didn't miss facetime together every Sunday. Mina was happy about it, she had even met Nayeon's parents and understood better about her father's delicate condition. It was as if suddenly, Nayeon had taken over a large part of her life because now she didn't just think about herself and her two friends, now there was also someone else who was part of her decision making. People say that when you're with someone you love everything looks easier and Mina confirmed this because every time she had a difficult project she would simply cuddle up with Nayeon until everything that was tormenting her would be gone and only wet kisses would remain on her forehead from the girl she liked._

_"It's almost your birthday, what do you want as a present?" Mina asked, her body half-naked and sheltered in Nayeon's bed recently awakened._

_"My present? I don't want anything but you and maybe a chocolate cake."_

_"Knowing your parents, they will surely throw you a big party."_

_"Yeah, but it's a family one, I usually don't invite the girls to my party because it's boring you know, just old people and a lot of food but we'll have another one with the girls later, one where we can really enjoy ourselves," Nayeon commented, her look on Mina's naked back. "You're invited to both by the way."_

_"What? But it's your family!"_

_"It's the perfect time for you to not only meet mom and dad, but now you can meet my whole family, don't you think?" Nayeon's playful smile only caused Mina to narrow her eyes and then kiss the brunette girl._

_"Okay, I'll be there but will probably be pretty nervous and if I suddenly disappear in the middle of it all it's because I couldn't stand the pressure, okay?" confessed Mina, who now had her index finger caressing the gorgeous face of the girl next to her._

_"Pressure? It's just a birthday, baby, nothing more. Besides, I'll be there."_

_"Do you promise?"_

_"Here you go with your promises," Nayeon said, rolling her eyes and then smiling. "I promise."_

_The young girl had spent hours locked in her room thinking about what to buy for the future birthday girl. Nayeon was a bit complicated in her likes and because of her family's good economic situation she had everything she needed. Mina really couldn't get to the idea of something Nayeon wanted and that made her angry because she was supposed to know Nayeon well, right? Neither Jihyo nor Jeongyeon nor Momo were very helpful as all three girls said they had no idea what Nayeon might want as a birthday present. For that reason, Mina decided to go out on her own to the streets of Seoul to find something for that special person._

_Mina went into different stores, shopping malls and even stopped to look for online stores on her phone right in the middle of the city. The chances of finding the perfect gift for Nayeon were slim but still Mina simply couldn't give up because it was such an important date and after more than six months of dating Nayeon it was the first birthday of the older girl they spent together. That had to be special, no matter if Mina would last a whole day on the streets of Seoul with only her umbrella in hand._

_Walking down the street, Mina suddenly stopped right in front of a lady who made a living selling handmade items in order to survive and Mina just couldn't ignore her, "Excuse me, what do you have for sale?"_

_"Miss, right now I have these necklaces and a pair of earrings," answered the lady._

_Mina's eyes got big when they looked at the necklace with the blue butterfly charm. Mina could remember that time she and Nayeon went for a walk late at night with only the moon to accompany them. That day, Nayeon had told her about her father's illness and how since she was a little girl it had been difficult to see him getting worse and worse every day. The only thing that made her feel better was when they went to the hospital to see him because there were always many blue butterflies in the hospital garden and Nayeon felt that it was a message that everything would be all right, at least that's what the little girl wanted to believe. Mina felt a lump in her throat just remembering it and without thinking much about it, she took the necklace in her hands, "I want this one."_

_On the way home, the young girl couldn't help but put a smile on her face because no matter that it wasn't a really expensive gift or anything out of this world, she knew that it could be something that would make Nayeon happy and anything that would make Nayeon happy would make Mina even happier._

_Despite the excitement and happiness that Mina felt, she couldn't help but be a little nervous about all that was going to happen that night. She had never been very good at socializing in large groups but at least she always had Sana and Momo, this time it was just her. Once Mina was at the door of Nayeon's house and heard the girl's voice on the other side of the door, she knew everything would be fine._

_"You are here," Nayeon said as she opened the door, holding Mina tightly as if they hadn't seen each other for days. "I was afraid you wouldn't come."  
_

_"Huh? Why?"_

_"This is boring and I wanted to be with you."_

_Nayeon was right, the birthday was just background music while all of Nayeon's relatives sat around the room drinking glasses of wine and eating grapes and cheese. The first hour was just that, the second was dinner time and that at least was a good part of the night and the third hour was Mina, Nayeon and her mom sitting at a table talking about anything while Nayeon's relatives continued to do their own thing, not even looking at the birthday girl because it was more important to talk about business. Mina was a little frustrated and her body was pushing her to stand up, to do something because today was Nayeon's birthday and although she knew that later they would celebrate it with her friends, Mina was there and could change the night._

_"Nayeon, I think I forgot my phone in my bag, would you mind going to your room and getting it for me?" said Mina, aware that it was something that Nayeon would probably not believe because Mina would never ask her to do anything like that for her, but she had to try._

_"Oh, sure."_

_Once the girl went up the stairs, Mina talked to Mrs. Im. With the permission of Nayeon's mother who, by the way, said she was more than happy to see Mina present at her daughter's birthday, the young Japanese girl came up with a birthday plan. She talked to the one Mina thought was Nayeon's uncle and asked him for a change of music also opened the way in the middle of the room, all the guests looking with a scowl but Mina didn't care because somehow she wanted this to work. Her legs were shaking a little and her throat felt dry because she had never done anything like this before, she had never on her own made a change to a whole party but there she was, in the middle of the room watching Nayeon go down the stairs._

_"Will you dance with me?" asked Mina once Nayeon got to the room, Mina's hand extended waiting for the girl's answer._

_The birthday girl was in shock, didn't even know where to look or what to say until her mother said,_ _"It's your birthday, Nayeon," bringing a smile to her daughter's face. "Do what you want and enjoy it the way you want."_

_"Of course I would love to dance with you," the girl said, a smile on her red lips Mina was so addicted to.  
_

_For a moment, it felt like it was just the two girls. It didn't matter if Nayeon's relatives were frowning or if some weren't even looking at them because what mattered was that Nayeon was smiling and that was exactly what a birthday was all about. Maybe she was still a little nervous and probably tomorrow when she remembered this she would feel embarrassed but for now, she was enjoying the night with the birthday girl._

_Once the two girls were exhausted from dancing and half of Nayeon's relatives had left, Nayeon stopped, her eyes on Mina, "Do you want to go to my room?"_

_"What about your party?"  
_

_"It's still here but I want to be with you, remember?"_

_The two girls, hand in hand, went up the stairs to Nayeon's room, entering between giggles and quick kisses. Nayeon threw herself on her bed, bringing Mina with her and ending up right on top of the birthday girl. Nayeon kissed Mina, many times and with much desire, taking her by the hair and drawing her strongly to her._

_The two girls were so close that Mina could feel the girl's breath on her lips, with one hand she took off her jacket, her shoes fell to the ground, hair was completely loose and when Mina thought to go for more, Nayeon stopped her with her index finger on the girl's pink lips, "Mina, I know what I want for my birthday."_

_"Huh? I... I have something for you already," Mina responded, panting from the deep kisses she had shared with Nayeon seconds earlier.  
_

_"Really? What's that?"  
_

_Mina immediately got out of bed, got off Nayeon and walked to her bag, looking for that little pouch that contained the gift she had gotten for her girl, "Close your eyes."_

_Nayeon did what was said and closed her eyes, ready for anything and when she felt Mina's delicate hands putting a necklace around her neck, Nayeon immediately opened her eyes, "There's no way, is that... is that a blue butterfly?"  
_

_"I thought you'd like it."  
_

_"Mina, you don't understand how much that means to me, you really have no idea," Nayeon's big eyes became even bigger and her cheeks turned red. "I, I, thank you so much, really."_

_With a proud smile on her face, Mina went back to bed next to the girl she loved, "Oh, what were you going to tell me? About the gift you wanted."_

_"Right, I want you as a birthday present."  
_

_"But you have me!"  
_

_"Mina," Nayeon immediately moved closer to the girl beside her, her cheeks still red and her new blue butterfly necklace decorating her neck, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"_

_"What?" Mina needed some air and now she was probably the one with the red cheeks because she didn't expect this, not now, not ever._

_Nayeon was probably the closest thing Mina had ever had to love and even though she knew everything it involved, Mina couldn't ignore how her heart accelerated when she met Nayeon's eyes, how her lips begged to be in Nayeon's, how everything about her now belonged to Nayeon. "I do."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter in a week! be ready!


	2. About Forgotten Memories and New Love

Days had passed and Mina was feeling better in several aspects of her life. From the dance, to her friends, to what involved Nayeon. They had moved forward little by little and although sometimes it was hard not to focus on all the thoughts and questions that sometimes appeared in her head, Mina was trying. Lately she had been feeling better than she had in weeks, and perhaps it was also because she had been so busy with her individual project that she didn't have much time left to overthink everything that was going on around her. While that was beneficial at one point, the night before the performance Mina was on edge.

"Are you sure you can come to see me tomorrow?" Mina said on the phone, her friend on the other line.

"Of course we will, we will all go, remember we promised you."

"When you say all, you really mean all?" Mina's insecurity was getting the better of her and Jihyo knew it from the tone of her voice.

"All eight of us will be supporting you from the theater seats and you will shine up there, you hear? You've been working too hard for insecurity to beat you at the last minute," once again, Jihyo was right.

"Thank you for being with me and never leaving me, Hyo."

"Well, that's what friends do, right?" Jihyo said on the other line, her voice bright. "Now go to sleep because tomorrow will be a long day, okay?"

The youngest girl turned off her phone and just lay down on her bed, in the background she could hear Momo and Sana probably fighting over food or the TV control and Mina smiled because they had always been the same two girls that came to Korea with her five years ago. She wanted to run to them, tell them that she was scared of tomorrow and finally admit to someone that the thought of Nayeon watching her dance from under the stage simply caused memories of what once all was, but Mina was strong. She didn't want to run into anyone's arms, at least not this time, and for that reason, she closed her eyes tightly until finally her insecurities vanished into midnight dreams. 

She felt that it was impossible to get used to being there from five hours before the performance to have her makeup done and rehearse. The university and the faculty of arts and dance took charge of all that, Mina simply had to dance as she had always done in front of everyone in a theater rented for this project. Momo and Sana would be in the seats watching her this time and not at her side but at least they would be there and that was the important thing. Once her feet finally touched the floor on which she would dance, she had goose bumps. The lights came on, the music was about to start playing and Mina could see her friends from above the stage, all but one.

Jihyo wasn't there.

A cold feeling began to run through her body and Mina tried to remember Jihyo's words yesterday, tried to remember her rehearsals and every part of the choreography she was going to perform. Mina was willing to try with or without Jihyo but she couldn't stop thinking about her friend, where she was and why she hadn't arrived as promised. Seconds before the music played, Mina looked at the girl who didn't expect to be there but knew she would be. One look at Nayeon and Nayeon at her, both looked at each other for what felt like minutes. At first, Mina didn't understand why Nayeon was looking at her so suddenly but once a smile spread on the older one's lips, Mina understood. Mina would be fine, Jihyo would arrive soon and she would get a damn A on the project. Mina hoped that Nayeon was right, and indeed, she was.

Jihyo arrived one minute after Mina had started dancing, the lights lighting up the dancer's silhouette as she gave her all in the stage. Momo and Sana were filming and the other girls could swear that those two looked like proud and excited moms just like the general public. Mina danced with great delicacy and elegance but didn't let go of her passion and strength, and when she gave her last movement it looked like the floor was on fire. 

Once the show was over and Mina was finally ready to see her friends, she was greeted with nothing less than applause, kisses and hugs. She shouldn't have felt insecure because she knew she would always end up like this, surrounded by people who loved her and appreciated her talent.

She always felt so good after a big show to be able to lean on her friends, she even accepted Sana's strong hugs and the wet kisses that Chaeyoung always gave when she tried to kiss her friends' cheeks with all her might. She felt refreshed after so much adrenaline to have the peace that her friends shared and although the smile was still on her face, she noticed that Jihyo, unusually, was quieter than usual to the point that she had not even said a word to Mina. The younger girl approached Jihyo slowly, holding her hand,

"Hyo, are you okay?

"I just... I'm sorry I came so late, I really wanted to be here since the beginning but you know, the traffic and..."

"Hey, it's okay," Mina cut her off, holding her hands tighly. Mina remembered how in the middle of the stage her gaze had collided with Nayeon and had given her some hope, as if her eyes could tell her that Jihyo would be coming soon, Mina smiled at this and said, "Something told me you'd be coming soon, don't worry okay? We're here now."

"Then, can we go celebrate now?" As Jihyo and Mina were hugging each other in the middle of the theater, Jeongyeon said, causing Mina to suddenly frown. "Oh, you don't know? Well, Jihyo was late because she set aside a spot for all of us at that club where you can dance and drink and sing, you know, a cool vibe."

"You really did that for me?" Mina looked at her friend, her lips half open.

"We have to celebrate, don't we?"

The idea seemed to sound pretty good from the beginning, even Mina was very excited to celebrate with such special people. What she didn't expect was that three hours later she would be leaning over Dahyun without even being able to speak coherently because they were both so drunk. That was no one's fault but Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon because they made sure that the two girls who said they never drank so often got drunk. They accomplished their mission, and when Mina was finally getting some conscience, all she heard was Jihyo saying, "You should just drop them at each other's places so we can stay here for a while longer, okay? If anything happens, call us immediately."

"Are you sure they wouldn't rather stay here? I don't want them to be angry with me later," the voice that Mina recognized was Nayeon's.

"They're too drunk to even remember, just make sure they get home safely."

Mina didn't quite remember what happened next, but she could feel hands holding her until she was finally put into a car with Dahyun who was completely asleep. The window of her seat was open and Mina thanked the person who opened it because she finally felt that she could breathe again and regain some consciousness. When her eyes focused, she recognized the car and the girl who was driving it, "Nayeon? Where are we going?"

"To Dahyun's house, her brother is waiting for us and then to your apartment, I will drop you off there and go home myself," replied the older girl dryly. 

There was silence all the way to Dahyun's house where they made sure she arrived safely in the arms of her brother whom the girls had known for some time. Once only Nayeon and Mina were left in the car, an atmosphere of awkwardness took place. Mina had to admit that Jihyo's idea that Nayeon would be the one to drive Dahyun and Mina home drunk was the worst, even though Jihyo was always right. It was clear that, in spite of trying, being alone with Nayeon only brought back memories of everything they once were but now there were only ashes left. How could she forget the time she and Nayeon kissed in that same car right in front of her apartment building? Or the many times she and Nayeon drove around Seoul together, hand in hand? Mina only felt sadness, a sadness that mixed with alcohol she knew could end up really bad, and even more so when she remembered that all that gave her sadness happened simply because Nayeon left her. 

It was Nayeon the one who did this.

"You should sit in the front passenger seat, I mean if you want," Nayeon suddenly said and Mina simply did it without saying a word. For someone who knew Mina as well as Nayeon did, it was obvious that something was wrong with the girl, "Are you okay, Mina? Do you feel sick?"

Mina wasn't okay because suddenly, when she looked at Nayeon, a chill ran down her back and like fire her chest felt like burning, "It's not of your business."

"What? I'm just trying to help you, that's all."

"Why would you want to help me? You have already done too much in my life for you to want to help me now," replied a semi-drunk Mina.

"Okay, you're being rude," Nayeon had her eyes on the road but Mina could feel for a while that Nayeon was looking at her out of the corner of her eye.

"You just can't handle reality."

"What the hell are you talking about? I really got lost in this conversation."

"Now you're gonna pretend you don't understand," Mina responded with a laugh, her gaze on the window.

"What? Mina you're really drunk," Nayeon still remembered how stubborn Mina was drunk and knew this wouldn't end well but there was nothing else to do. "I won't say anything else, okay? I'll shut up and we'll travel in silence."

"Well, that's what you do best."

"Okay, I really don't understand what you're trying to say, can you be more straightforward?"

Mina sighed, she really tried to just shut up but the alcohol seemed to take over her body and the more she tried to control herself, the more her throat felt like it was burning with anger. It was sure that neither Sana nor Momo had seen an angry and drunk Mina, at least not at that point. It was more common for Mina to start crying or just lock herself in when she felt like this, as if she had a fire inside her and just wanted to explode. But that night, Mina couldn't lock herself in and all she wanted to do was tell Nayeon how much it hurt to be around her. 

"You know what? I'll explain it to you," Mina said suddenly after a few seconds of silence and Nayeon immediately looked at her, her eyes only on her. "I am mad at you and I have every right to be because you are the most shameless person I have ever met. How can you pretend to go all the way to where I am and ask me to be friends again when you never even cared if I was okay when you left? Friends wouldn't do that, let alone girlfriends, yet you come to me asking for things but you never could give me an explanation, not even a fucking text!" Mina let it all out, and yes, the only reason she did that was maybe because she was drunk, but many people say that drunk people reveal truths that they don't even realize sober. 

Nayeon was silent for a few minutes and if Mina could focus her eyes enough, she could tell that Nayeon's usually pink face was getting paler and paler, "Mina, I just didn't want to bring up the past, I, I didn't want to hurt you anymore!"

"Well Nayeon, it's a shame because you already hurt me for years and the worst thing is that I never received a damn apology because one day the person I considered the woman of my life had simply walked away from it and I, I was left alone waiting for something that would never come," the tears began to fall down her red cheeks and Mina felt her chest burning, it wasn't just anger but resentment and maybe her chest had held every word for so long that now it hurt more than ever.

Nayeon slowed down the car and simply looked Mina in the eye, watched the tears fall and finally said, "I don't know what to say."

That was the last straw.

Now Mina was angry and she really didn't mind having to pretend more a friendship that she knew was impossible because she, unfortunately, was always going to see Nayeon differently. Sometimes as the one who left her and other times as the love of her life, just those two options and neither of them fit as a friend.

"Of course you don't know, you never know," Mina's voice was a mixture of disappointment and anger, a tone that Nayeon had never heard before. "Just stop the car."

"Mina, I won't let you go alone."

"I'm asking you."

"I won't."

"For fuck's sake, Nayeon, can you ever do anything for me?" As she said this, the older girl stopped the car completely. "Thank you," Mina took her bag and opened the door, she started to walk even though her legs were still wobbly and the alcohol was still on her head.

Nayeon didn't just stand there watching, she got out of the car as fast as she could and stood in front of Mina, not letting her walk. She knew that the youngest girl was going to be very angry but Nayeon simply couldn't let her go home alone and at this hour, much less in that state, "Please, Mina."

"Don't you see? I hate you, Nayeon!" Mina said, causing Nayeon's eyes to open and her mouth to form a straight line. "I hate you. I hate you for many reasons. I hate you because you never know how to ask for forgiveness, I hate you because you couldn't even send me a damn text, I hate you because you act as if nothing happened when we both know we're suffering but more than that, I hate you because you didn't let me be by your side when you achieved all those dreams you once told me about."

The tears fell on Mina's face without realizing that they also fell on Nayeon's face, the older girl simply let every tear fall on her cheeks, every word that came out of Mina's mouth became nothing more than tears that seemed not to know how to stop. Nayeon was pale, speechless and on the floor. She was kneeling just in front of Mina on one of Seoul's many streets in the middle of the night and tears kept falling. 

There were no more words, there was nothing more to say and when Mina was determined to take a step and go home, Nayeon screamed. She screamed as she once did in Jihyo's room along with Mina. She screamed all her fears and doubts. She screamed her guilt and her pain. She screamed and walked over to Mina, screamed and took Mina in her arms, Nayeon screamed and hugged Mina with all her strength as if she was afraid to let go, to let Mina alone.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered in Mina's hair once that she had nothing else to scream about.

The road to Nayeon's house was silent but there were no more tears on the girls' cheeks either. There was only a comfortable silence. Mina wouldn't walk away and Nayeon wasn't going to leave her alone. It was something they promised without words once Mina hugged Nayeon back after so many tears were shed on that street. Maybe when Mina came to her senses tomorrow she was going to regret this and she knew the other girl would too but for today they weren't going anywhere.

Nayon was there, along with Mina even after she told her that she hated her and perhaps that meant more than any other words.

Silently, both girls entered Nayeon's house. Mina felt much less drunk and was now just tired. She didn't even want to say a word because her whole body and mind were so exhausted that all she could think about was closing her eyes and letting the night go by. She didn't say anything about where she was although she could recognize those stairs, Mina preferred to just shut up for now. It was clear that Nayeon couldn't leave her by herself and not just because of how drunk Mina was but because she cared about Mina. And so, Mina didn't argue a bit when Nayeon invited her to lie down on her bed which was just as Mina remembered it, white sheets and lots of pillows on top.

"You'll sleep here, I'll sleep on the living room couch, okay? Feel comfy," Nayeon said as she gave her what looked like a oversized shirt to sleep in. "Oh, and no matter what time you get up tomorrow, you don't have to feel any pressure, okay? Just wake me up to make us breakfast."

Mina remained silent and just nodded, Nayeon turned her back so the girl could change and once she did, she helped her get into bed. Mina felt like a little girl all of a sudden and even a little embarrassed because Nayeon took off her shoes and put her belongings on the night table. She carefully sheltered her and turned off the light, started at her for seconds and just as she was about to walk out the door, Mina spoke, "Don't go." Nayeon suddenly stopped, froze for a few seconds until she turned to look at Mina again who continued, "Please stay with me tonight."

Mina didn't remember much about and probably even more would be forgotten in the course of the night but one thing was certain, every fiber in her body missed Nayeon's warmth at her bedside.

-

_The young Japanese girl had woken up early to have everything ready for this night. She managed to convince Momo and Sana to go out for the night so that Mina could have the apartment all to herself. It only cost her a couple of movie tickets and a large popcorn with extra butter to make it happen. Momo was more than happy and Sana, if Momo was happy, so was she. Mina had prepared everything, she had dinner in the oven finishing up, dessert was waiting in the fridge and the whole apartment was surrounded by candles smelling of flowers. Today was a special day because it was her sixth month as Nayeon's girlfriend, a decision she had never regretted, not even once._

_She knew that Nayeon was going to tease her about how cheesy she was but Mina didn't care because at the end of the night both girls would sleep in each other's arms. By the time they had been dating, Mina had learned a lot about love. Not only the simple things like jealousy, kisses, hugs, gifts and dates, she learned more than that. She learned how it felt to lose one half of yourself when that person is not around, she learned to love even in the days of anger and tears, she learned to know a little more about herself each time she knew a little more about her beloved. It was as if love wasn't just about loving someone, it was a whole process of development in which you give a part of yourself to a person and that part will never, ever be yours again.  
_

_Mina was sure she wanted to be Nayeon's._

_Her phone suddenly buzzed, Mina washed her hands and quickly took it, "Yeah?"  
_

_"Mina, baby, it's me, Nayeon," as far as Mina could hear, Nayeon was somewhere noisy, "I don't know if I can make it to your apartment today, I have to... I, Jeongyeon told me that if I could help her with something, okay? Don't wait for me."_

_"Are you sure you can't? It's an important date, we always celebrate it together."_

_"I know, I'm sorry," Nayeon sighed at the other end of the line, "I'll make it up to you, okay?"_

_"You better, I love you."_

_"I love you more," that said, the call was over and Mina was alone again._

_With the apartment all alone and freshly made food Mina had two options. One was to fall asleep in her room alone and wait for Momo and Sana to come and eat it all later or call someone else to at least keep her company. She wanted the second option because it sounded the most reasonable and perhaps the best way not to feel a little down that night but she didn't. She took the first option and simply changed her clothes, blew out the candles and put the dinner in the microwave hoping that her two best friends would enjoy it for her. Mina wasn't angry, there was no reason for it because she knew how Nayeon was with Jeongyeon and if anything happened to one of them it was as if it happened to the other._

_When Mina had finally fallen asleep, the feeling that someone else was by her side suddenly woke her up, for a moment she thought Nayeon had made it, she had arrived on time but when she heard some giggling, she knew it was her two silly best friends, "What are you doing here?"_

_"Well, we finished the movie and came to see how our best friend was doing," replied Sana, her eyes on Mina.  
_

_"Nayeon couldn't come," Mina explained, while the two other girls looked at each other in surprise. "The bright side is that there's dinner for both of you, you should go eat it_ _before it gets cold."  
_

_"Really? Can we eat it?"_

_"Yeah, sure," a smile appeared on Mina's lips as she saw Momo's eyes begin to glow. "Actually, don't you guys want to come here with me after dinner? We can have a sleepover in my bedroom maybe?"_

_"Sounds good, we'll be back in less than ten minutes!"_

_"Don't fall asleep without us," Sana said before closing the door to the girl's room._

_The night was fun and nice, a night of the three friends talking about nonsense and dancing all over the room. The three girls were destined to be together, there was no other conclusion to the love they had for each other. Once her friends finished dinner and put on their pajamas as promised, they arrived at Mina's room. The younger girl ended up falling asleep right there, in the middle of her two friends and without any worry or sadness in her chest because she wasn't alone, not even a bit._

_The next day, Mina was waiting for something. A call or message from Nayeon, more than anything else she wanted to know if whatever she was doing yesterday had gone well. Mina waited, minutes and hours, waited until she couldn't take it anymore and decided to call Nayeon. She didn't want to sound pushy or look like a controlling person, Mina just felt a bad feeling about all this, maybe because she knew Nayeon too well. The call rang but no one picked up, no one took the call. Mina began to worry even more, so she tried to distract herself. She loved to knit, she had knitted several hats and scarves for her friends and her girlfriend, so she preferred to take the time to wait for Nayeon to come to her.  
_

_It didn't happen._

_Mina was anxious now, she wanted to know if everything was okay and was even ready to ask Jihyo if anything had happened. Just at that moment, Mina had the best idea, why call Jihyo when she could call Jeongyeon? If Nayeon didn't answer, maybe it was because she had slept over at Jeongyeon's and didn't have the charger or something._

_The young girl simply didn't want to wait any longer and dialed Jeongyeon's number._

_"Mina, hi."_

_"Hey Jeong, I don't want to bother you and I would actually appreciate it if you don't tell Nayeon that I called but is everything okay? Did you do what you had to do yesterday?" Mina asked hesitantly, slightly embarrassed._

_"What are you talking about?"  
_

_"Nayeon, she's with you, isn't she?"_

_"I haven't seen Nayeon for about a week since we went to Jihyo's, I think you're mistaken," Jeongyeon's voice was confused and even a little worried. "I'll call her to see if she's okay."_

_"No, no, don't worry! I...I'll talk to her."  
_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah, thanks Jeong," were the last words of the call before the door was knocked._

_There was Nayeon._

_Mina tried to calm down and not worry too much, she knew that both Mina and Nayeon had promised not to lie for the sake of the relationship. Mina had never lied and expected the same from Nayeon and although this situation seemed a little weird, Mina tried to convince herself that surely there was a reason why Nayeon did it, right? It was kind of hard for the younger girl to say what had just happened, to tell her that she called Jeongyeon and found out the lie because the last thing she wanted was for Nayeon to think that she didn't trust her. Even so, Mina wasn't going to hide how she felt, much less lie to her girlfriend in the eyes.  
_

_"I called Jeongyeon," were the first words Mina could say once Nayeon walked through the door. "You weren't with her, were you?"_

_"It's complicated," Nayeon responded, trying to stay cool, but Mina knew her too well to know she was nervous, which didn't happen very often. "I was doing something important and I didn't want to worry you."  
_

_"What's so important that you have to lie to me?"  
_

_"I know it's inexcusable but you have to understand me."_

_"Will you at least tell me what you were doing? I, I really don't want to make you feel like you're locked into the relationship, I know you can go out anywhere and with anyone you want but... I don't understand why you would lie to me."_

_"It's better not to tell you for now, but I'll tell you soon, as soon as I can," Nayeon slowly moved closer to Mina who didn't think twice to take steps backwards. "Mina, believe me."  
_

_"How can I believe you if you lied to me? God, Nayeon, what's wrong?"  
_

_"I can't... tell you."  
_

_"If you can't, then please leave."  
_

_"Mina, listen to me."  
_

_"Go away."_

_Mina had never told Nayeon to leave, perhaps because she was afraid she would never return. That night, Mina did, and she probably never expected that she would actually lose her time later._

-

There were two things that Mina realized that night, the first is that she was a lightweight drinker and the second is that Nayeon still cared about her. The Japanese girl didn't want to believe it for months and even years. She believed that if Nayeon left it was because she didn't care about Mina at all and no one could really judge her as it was what made the most sense. Even so, knowing that Nayeon took care of Mina to the point where she let her sleep in her bed, she lent her clothes and slept next to her at the request of a drunken Mina only made her see how much Nayeon was still her Nayeon. Part of Mina felt a bit silly because she had been having that version of Nayeon for months where she was evil. Maybe Nayeon was a bit, maybe she was selfish for pursuing her dream alone but nothing more, she wasn't that bad being that Mina had been creating in her head for years. She was just Nayeon being Nayeon.

Despite understanding and slowly processing the idea that perhaps there was something else, one reason beyond why Nayeon left without saying goodbye, Mina wasn't going to stay there any longer. She had already caused too much trouble the night before and being asleep next to Nayeon was enough to cause more. Nayeon looked like a doll, even though she didn't have any makeup and her short hair was messy, her skin still glowed in the sunlight through the window. It had been a long time since Mina could really look at Nayeon, not without feeling nervous or angry, just at peace. 

As peaceful as she could be looking at the past love of her life, Mina got out of bed, careful not to make any noise, grabbed her clothes and purse and was ready to walk out of there until she looked at Nayeon's night table and what just caught her eye was a blue butterfly that was on top of it. Mina felt a lump in her throat when she realized that after almost five years Nayeon still had the first gift that Mina had given her that night when it all began. If Mina stayed one more second she would end up crying so she opened the door and left the room quickly. Going down the stairs Mina's eyes visualized a familiar silhouette to recognize who she was. This could not be happening, not to her.

"Mina? It's you?" the voice that was once so familiar to Mina was heard from the kitchen. 

"Hello, Mrs. Im," she replied hesitantly, still unsure whether to walk to the door or to the kitchen.

"Come here, I want to see you properly," with this said, Mina obeyed and walked straight to the kitchen, her head facing the floor. "God, you're so big and look at your long blonde hair now, wow, you look gorgeous."

"Thank you so much Mrs. Im, you look great too."

"Oh, you're still as sweet, huh? I haven't heard from you in a long time, I didn't know you still had a very good relationship with my daughter," with a smirk Mrs. Im said, clearly thinking that Mina and Nayeon had _fucked_ that night without knowing the real mess it was.

"We're getting back to being friends or something like that, you know, I hadn't heard from her in a while too," Mina admitted, biting her lip. "Well, it was nice to see you Mrs. Im, I, I have to go."

"Of course, honey, come back soon, okay?"

"Sure," was the last thing Mina said before turning to the front door and running away from that house full of memories. 

Mina walked home in the morning sun, her stomach growled with hunger and her head hurt from the hangover from the many drinks she had taken the night before. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she would get revenge on Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung one day. If she saw it positively, maybe the night wasn't so bad because at least now she has a different perspective, at least one in which anger isn't the first option. Once Mina arrived at the apartment, she found a grumpy Momo, no breakfast and no Sana to be found. Mina remained silent because she knew that even though it was almost impossible for Momo to get angry, when she did it the best thing was to give her space. Still, she couldn't help but ask where her other best friend was, and once she heard the answer it all made sense.

"She went out to what?"

"On a date," Momo responded, without even looking at the younger girl.

"With whom?"

"Why should I know? It's her life," replied Momo dryly and then said, "A Jennie girl."

Mina didn't say anything else and went straight to the shower because her head was aching and she didn't want to bother Momo for now, even though it was really obvious what had happened. Momo was probably jealous but she was too much of a coward to do anything about it. Mina knew that this moment would come one day when Sana would finally go out with someone and it would be an awkward moment for everyone, especially Momo. Without wanting to over analyze things, Mina only focused on taking this bath as a way to calm her anxiety because everything was too much and she could only think about how beautiful Nayeon looked sleeping next to her and how much she had missed that damn bed. 

After hours in which Mina focused on practicing some movements and steps in her room, read a few chapters of a book and listened to the new album that her favorite artist had released a week ago but had not been able to listen to it yet, Momo finally got to her. Mina didn't want to bother her so she was in her room most of the day but when her door was knocked, Mina knew that Momo needed someone. 

"Would you like to join me for dinner at that new restaurant in the corner? My treat," Momo said once Mina opened the door.

"Wait, really?"

"Well, there's no dinner and I don't want to cook, plus Sana's not here so it'll be much cheaper."

"I'll put on my coat, okay?"

Having said that, Mina took her coat and put on her shoes to go out, without realizing that the clock was already ticking at seven at night and she was still in doubt about who this Jennie was with whom Sana was hanging out, but she preferred to focus on her friend and just keep an eye on her phone in case Sana needed something. Both girls walked to the restaurant, selected a table and ordered what each one of them was craving to eat. Mina knew how much Momo loved to eat so she preferred to be quiet so as not to make dinner uncomfortable and to respect her friend's space but it turned out that it was Momo who decided to talk first, "Do you think Sana is ready for a relationship?"

"Maybe," said Mina, taking a bite of her meal. "Mentally, yes, but I think maybe her feelings might complicate everything."

"Feelings?"

"She's never been with anyone before, has she? She's only had a couple of dates but nothing serious, so I don't think she's sure of her own feelings, but anyway, why do you care so much?"

"It's just that I'm scared," Momo stopped eating, apparently not even having much of an appetite in the first place. "Mina, I am in love with Sana."

Mina knew and also knew that Momo knew that she knew but hearing it coming out of her friend's mouth just felt different, as if there was now a weight to carry, "Are you sure about that?"

"I have been for years but until a few days ago I have been thinking about it more, it's like the world is telling me it's my time to do something, you know?"

"To confess?"

"Yeah, I think it's time to tell her that I love her more than a friend but how am I supposed to do that?" Momo's voice was low and maybe a little broken making Mina feel a pain in her chest. "We've been like sisters all this time, we sleep together sometimes, we eat together, we dance together, it's all together and I would hate for her to think that all this time I did it with a different intention because I don't! She is my best friend and I love her as my best friend but I can't help but fall in love with her more and more every day."

Mina felt as a tear fell down her cheek and now it was the two girls who had no appetite because Momo just let it all out suddenly and Mina couldn't ignore it, "I understand you, and I know you must be very, very afraid," Mina said and then took her friend's hand. "But you have to do it, you have to let go of that weight on your chest that you've been carrying for years and finally say how much you love her."

"What if she rejects me?"

"I'll be there, and even though it may be weird for a few days, it will always be us again, the three girls with the same dream," Momo seemed a little calmer as she squeezed Mina's hand tightly. "Can I confess something to you so you can see that you're not the only one who's screwed up?"

"That would be nice."

"I don't think I'm over Nayeon yet."

Momo's eyes widened suddenly and her mouth half opened, "Oh, no... you slept at her house yesterday... you two?"

"No! Everything was okay, she was so nice, she even take care of me and I just said that I hate her because, you know, I was just too drunk to think but now, I don't know Momo."

"Do you hate her?"

"Not a bit."

"So that makes two of us screwed," said Momo, her hand still in Mina's.

-

_Even five years after living in Korea, it was still hard for Mina to get used to spending her birthdays away from her parents. The only time a year she could see them for more than a week was in December, and even then, it didn't feel like enough. Mina always found it hard to come back to her life here in Korea whenever she went to Japan, even though she loved her life in Korea. This birthday wasn't that different from any other, the only difference was that instead of spending it at Jihyo's house or renting a restaurant like last time, they were going to the beach together. The weather might not have been perfect and Jeongyeon and Jihyo had to skip a few classes to be there but it was the best they could come up with for the Japanese girl's 20th birthday._

_Mina wasn't going to lie, she was quite excited about it. Even though her relationship with Nayeon had not been the best for less than a month, they had talked enough and Mina simply decided to trust. She was going to trust Nayeon until something happened to make her stop doing it and Mina really doubted it. Even so, she couldn't help but sometimes wonder about that night that Nayeon had disappeared or why she had lied. It was normal for Mina to think about it, wasn't it? When there is a lie they always say that other lies are following and Mina was just hoping that it wasn't true._

_"Are you guys ready?" Sana asked from the front door of the apartment waiting for her two friends.  
_

_"I am, how about your birthday girl?" said Momo finally leaving her room, Mina's door was still closed._

_"I think I am," Mina opened her bedroom door, her hair in a braid and a yellow dress that made her look as beautiful as always and Sana and Momo couldn't take her eyes off her. "We must go quickly, I think the younger girls are waiting for us."_

_"First things first," said Sana, approaching her friend. "Happy birthday, darling."_

_As the dark-haired girl also walked up, "We love you so much, Minari!"_

_Mina simply smiled and hugged the two girls creating a three-way hug and for a moment, Mina wished that hug would last forever because she had never felt safer than in the arms of the two Japanese girls, "Thank you, for everything."_

_The three girls hugged each other for a while longer until Mina's phone buzzed being none other than her girlfriend. They knew it was time to leave because they weren't going to allow the train to leave them. Once they arrived at the station, they were all together and in a matter of seconds Mina had her cheeks full of lipstick because none of the girls could resist filling her face with kisses, a strange tradition among them that as expected Sana invented._

_"So, are we ready?" Nayeon asked, holding the birthday girl's hand.  
_

_"We are."_

_The day was extraordinarily great, those were Mina's words because honestly there was nothing more to say. The day was amazing and perhaps the best birthday in years. Not only because she went to the beach, played in the sea, found a crab and even built a giant sand castle with Tzuyu, but also because she was with those she loved. Maybe Mina was too lucky or just did something at some point in her life because that could be the only explanation for her to have such special people with her. And then, there was Nayeon. There wasn't a moment when she didn't look at Nayeon and her eyes weren't on Mina, as if Nayeon was contemplating her in everything she did. Mina walked up to the brown-eyed girl, took her hand and asked her to go for a walk together in the sun around the beach, just the two of them._

_"How are you spending your birthday, birthday girl?"  
_

_"Great, thanks to you and everyone."  
_

_"What if I told you that I have a surprise for you but I can't give it to you until we get home?" Nayeon had a smirk on her face that told Mina that the older girl was really planning_ _something.  
_

 _"We said you wouldn't do anything too big for me_ _!"_

_"I know, I know. Believe me, it's nothing that big, it's just... I, I feel that you deserve it, Mina. I mean, you deserve every good thing and I, I just want to be able to be at least a little bit enough for you," hearing that from Nayeon's lips gave Mina a chill._

_Mina had always seen Nayeon as a confident and fearless person, someone who acted as she wanted and had no ties, but the younger girl sometimes forgot that like everyone else, she had weaknesses and maybe Mina was one of those, "You are enough."_

_"Yeah but I want to be the best girlfriend ever, for you! I want to wake up and be able to see you next to me, I want to sleep thinking about you and I want, I want a life with you, Myoui Mina."_

_As far as Mina knew Nayeon, she was too romantic but Mina didn't expect her to say those words with such a serious face as if there was no doubt about every word that came out of her lips, "Believe me, you are already the best girlfriend in the world."  
_

_"It's just that I, I don't want to lose you."_

_The youngest girl couldn't help but feel a bit confused by the words because the more words Nayeon said the more it seemed to hurt, "Are you sure there isn't anything else going on why are you telling me this?"_

_"I just wanted to tell you, it was something I had on my chest, really," the older girl came closer to Mina, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "Happy birthday, Mina."  
_

_A silly smile fell on Mina's lips who, with the sea in front of her, could only look at the girl she loved, "I love you."_

_"Say cheese!" a voice was heard behind her, once Mina turned around she found Chaeyoung with her new camera pointing right at the two girls in love. "I loved this picture, now one of the two of you looking at the camera," continued the girl and even though she wasn't a fan of photos, Mina wasn't going to say no, at least not today._

_When the sunset was right in front of the girls and they had everything ready to go home again, Mina remembered about the surprise that Nayeon had told her. Mina knew her very well and she also knew that Nayeon knew her so it was probably nothing very big, maybe a small gift that she knew Mina would love, and maybe, Mina was excited. Everything about Nayeon was always exciting, so much so that Mina sometimes wondered if she was ever going to get used to everything Nayeon did and it always came to a conclusion that she wouldn't._

_When they finally arrived at the train station, all the girls said goodbye to the birthday girl with hugs and kisses. Jihyo was the first to leave and for a moment it seemed that she wasn't planning to let go of the younger girl. Then, one by one, they said goodbye to Mina, Chaeyoung gave her a drawing, Tzuyu a cuddly toy and Dahyun a small chocolate that the girl loved. Mina felt loved right there, she didn't need anything else._

_"Are you going home with us?" asked Momo.  
_

_Mina remembered that Nayeon said something about a surprise and probably it was at her home, "I'll go to Nayeon's, is it okay?"_

_"Just don't do evil things," Sana said in the background with a giggle, taking Momo by the hand to begin their journey home. "Enjoy the night, we love you guys!"_

_Mina didn't quite understand what it was all about, but she still walked the other way, hand in hand with the girl of her life. The day was perfect whitout mention her legs that hurt and her skin that was a little red from the strong afternoon sun. Once at Nayeon's house, the first thing the girls did was take a bath together. Mina loved doing everything together with Nayeon so a shower together sounded like the best idea to end the day. She didn't know that just when the lights were off and only Nayeon's night table lamp was lighting up their faces, the girl extended her hand to her girlfriend with what seemed to be the surprise that Mina had had in her head for hours, "Open it."_

_Mina took a box that Nayeon had in her hand, apparently it was a ring box and Mina couldn't help but feel her heart beating faster and faster, "Is this for me?"_

_"Of course it is, silly," Nayeon helped open the ring box with her hands on Mina's, revealing a beautiful ring. "You see this ring? My grandmother gave it to me years ago."  
_

_"And you're planning on giving it to me?"_

_"She told me, well not specifically you but she made it clear to me," Nayeon moved closer to Mina, her eyes only on her. "My grandma before she met my grandpa, she was in love with a sailor when she was young. For reasons of life, he had to leave but not before giving her this ring as a promise to come back. Unfortunately, he never came back but my grandmother always kept waiting for him, even when she had gotten over him and met my grandfather, she never stopped trusting that someday he would come. No matter where she was or with whom, the promise was always there with her."_

_"Nayeon, what you're telling me... is too wow," Mina was speechless, literally, because what Nayeon told her, besides being new information about her family, was a story that gave Mina goose bumps. "And you think I should have it?"  
_

_"She told me to give it to whoever my promise would be."  
_

_"You are the best," Mina said, planting a kiss on Nayeon's lips, tears threatening to fall down her red cheeks. "So let this be a promise."_

_Mina slept the night of her birthday next the person she loved, and when she woke up the next day she was sure she would never break a promise._

-

Mina was angry, sad, and confused.

She didn't used to feel this way so often, she was always looking for some way to feel better or at least try to let it all out in her dance, but this time she couldn't. She couldn't feel better even for a moment in the day and it was like that for weeks because Nayeon simply disappeared from her life once again and Mina knew exactly why, and that's what was bothering her. Nayeon was too considerate. If Mina was bothered by something, Nayeon would avoid it. That was the science of everything in their relationship more than two years ago but looking back, the older girl hadn't changed much. Of course, Nayeon was going to stay away from Mina indefinitely because Mina, drunk and stupid, told her that she hated her. Nayeon was going to stay away forever if necessary and Mina knew it. Why did Nayeon have to be so literal? Clearly Mina said it drunk but Nayeon was going to follow what Mina said and now she didn't appear, not once in more than a month have they met, not even at Jihyo's house and Mina couldn't help feeling silly. 

The night before, Chaeyoung called Mina because she apparently had to paint the apartment and was in need of help, but Mina knew better. Chaeyoung probably felt lonely or sad and didn't know how to ask for help, and the reason if Mina analyzed the facts, was Tzuyu. So there was Mina, angry, sad, and confused, painting the walls of her youngest friend's small apartment.

"I made a strawberry shake, would you like some?"

"Sounds good," Mina responded, trying to think of a way for Chaeyoung to say something about the real reason Mina was there. "Mhm, will, will you go to Tzu's birthday party?"

Chaeyoung immediately stopped what she was doing and took a breath, Mina hit the point, "I guess, I don't know."

"But you always go, you're her best friend."

"I, I'm not anymore," the girl's voice sounded broken and Mina could only try to restrain herself by not going to hug her right there. "Mina, what if hypothetically Momo tells you that she fell in love with you?"

"Momo is in love with Sana," answered Mina sincerely receiving a scowl from her friend. 

"What? Well, if Jihyo confesses to you."

"It would be weird but it wouldn't be a bad thing, I would just feel bad that I couldn't reciprocate but I would tell her how much she means to me and those feelings don't really change anything about us."

"Then I'm a fool," Chaeyoung let out a sigh, sitting on the couch in her apartment and Mina just did the same, "I told Tzuyu to give me space but I never knew how to contact her again and we didn't talk anymore."

"What? How long has it been?"

"More than a month, it was my fault!" Chaeyoung's eyes were watering and it seemed like this situation was really destroying her inside. "I should have told her the truth or at least made her see what you said, what she meant to me."

Mina held Chaeyoung's hand to say, "There's nothing that can't be fixed, you know?"

"How am I going to talk to her after a month and tell her that I'm just afraid of serious relationships but I'm actually in love with her too?" Mina didn't expect that confession even though it didn't seem like the craziest idea so she just held Chaeyoung tightly, "I don't deserve anything from her."

"Don't say that," Mina interrupted her and grabbed her head in her hands, making her look at her. "You'll go to that party and tell her how you feel, that's the least you can do on her birthday."

"You don't think she hates me?"

"Why is it so hard for everyone to understand that it is impossible to hate what you love and it is just a silly excuse?"

"Well, you may be right."

"I am," Mina finally said, taking Chaeyoung's hand again as she sipped on that strawberry shake. 

It was fun to see how Mina tried that afternoon to fix Chaeyoung's life but couldn't do anything about hers. Mina was upset with Nayeon but after a few days she ended up being upset with herself because there was no reason to get drunk to the point of telling the person she didn't hate, that she hated her. Only a dumb person would do that and Mina needed to apologize. She wanted to tell Nayeon that she didn't mean it and that she really wanted to make things right, to be friends if possible. Although she didn't have much hope for it, Mina was just getting ready to go with her two best friends to Jihyo's house and if Mina was lucky, Nayeon would be there for Tzuyu's birthday party. 

It was no surprise when Mina, Sana and Momo entered the door of Jihyo's house to meet everyone except Nayeon. Mina tried to act as if she didn't even notice and immediately ran into Tzuyu's arms, noticing that the girl was very smiling when talking to Chaeyoung. Mina knew that at least something good had been done, that having given Chaeyoung the advice might have ended up with Tzuyu and Chaeyoung loving each other as they wanted to without fear or misunderstanding. That would make Mina happy but for now, she was happy just to see Tzuyu and her cute smile that shows off her lovely dimples.

"You're more clingy than usual, something happened?" asked Tzuyu causing Mina to pout. "Or did you just miss me a lot?"

"That's the right answer," Mina lied, trying not to turn to the door every second expecting to hear a loud laugh behind it.

The eight girls sang birthdays to the youngest one. They bought a cake with pictures of their puppies and celebrated together. The same tradition of meeting at Jihyo's, eating together and kissing each other on the cheeks, just as it had always been and felt good. Mina had been a little anxious these last few days and perhaps what she needed was this. Still, she couldn't help but wonder if she was the reason why Nayeon didn't come because it didn't make sense. Nayeon loved Tzuyu and had always been like a big sister to her, so why wouldn't she come to her birthday? Everyone knew that Nayeon was here for an indefinite period of time and it might be the last birthday she could spend here but she still decided not to come. If the reason was Mina, she would be really mad.

"Are you sure Nayeon won't come?" as if Jeongyeon were reading Mina's mind, the older girl asked.

"Apparently something happened with, you know who," Jihyo mumbled, but Mina still managed to listen.

Mina thought they were talking about her for a second but she knew it wouldn't be any secret and they wouldn't refer to her that way so that's when Mina understood everything, "Is her dad okay?" Mina asked suddenly, surprising the other two girls.

"Yeah, they just had to go to the hospital, but it's nothing serious."

"She called me," commented Tzuyu, "This morning she sang me Happy Birthday on the phone and apologized like a hundred times for not coming but she explained everything, she's gonna visit me at home these days."

Once again, Mina felt silly to think that she was the reason for Nayeon to miss such a special day and perhaps, Mina was simply too messed up to try to analyze everything because if anything was certain, it was that now everything was once again about Nayeon and only her. Despite this, Mina focused on spending time with her friends because it was Tzuyu's birthday at the end of the day and the important thing was that she would be happy. So it was like that for a few hours until the night came and there were only three people left in Jihyo's house, it was only Tzuyu, Mina and Jihyo once again. It was funny and kind of adorable when Tzuyu just fell asleep in Jihyo's bed right in the middle of the two older girls.Mina felt better now and was even more than happy that she was able to spend the birthday of the one who was like a sister to her.

When the lights were turned off and only the soft snoring of Tzuyu could be heard, Mina spoke to Jihyo, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little tired, and you?"

"Me too," Mina became more comfortable in bed, now her gaze on the ceiling. The silence was all that continued until Mina decided to said one more thing, "Nayeon doesn't talk to me, like at all."

"Oh, right, she told me about it but didn't tell me the reason. It was that night, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Mina said with a sigh, closing her eyes. "I told her that she was shameless, that I don't understand how she asked me to be friends, oh and that I hated her. It's crazy how when you're drunk you can say so many things that sober seems impossible, right?"

"But, you don't hate her, do you?" Suddenly Jihyo sat up on the bed, her expression of fear in Mina.

"Sometimes I think I do, before she came I was sure I did but now I don't know," Mina responded honestly because she really didn't have to lie anymore. "Is that bad?"

"God, Mina, tell me you don't hate her," Jihyo insisted, her voice getting sharper and sharper, and Mina couldn't help but feel a bad feeling about this.

"Huh? What's wrong with that?"

"Just don't hate her, okay? She is not always the only one to blame," saying this, Mina sat up on the bed too, both girls looking at each other while the younger girl was still in the middle.

"Hyo, is there something you haven't told me?"

"There's no point in it, I don't even know why I'm telling you that it's just that I, I don't want to make any more mistakes," Jihyo said, looking now at anything but Mina.

Mina knew Jihyo well and knew that this attitude wasn't normal for her, rather it seemed that something was going on and besides wanting to understand, Mina was worried, "Please talk to me."

"I'm in love with you," after a silence, Jihyo said it. In the moment there was nothing but another silence afterwards leaving a totally frozen Mina right there and Jihyo with tears running down her cheeks until she had the strength Mina couldn't get and continued. "I'm sorry, Mina."

"I, why are you apologizing to me, Jihyo? I, I'm the one who should be apologizing to you right now," Mina was shaking, her hands were shaking and for a moment she didn't even remember how they got there or why she heard snoring in the background, she was simply in shock.

"Because I knew that Nayeon was going to leave that day, I, I knew everything."

"You told me that..."

"I lied, Mina," the girl cut her off, "but I didn't lie completely. I, I just believed in Nayeon's words. I knew all about Nayeon and her trip to America but she had another plan, one where you were not going to end up with a broken heart. Mina, she was going to ask you to go with her."

Suddenly, Mina felt she couldn't move and was simply out of breath, maybe Jihyo was tired of holding on to so much, so many secrets and pain that she just let it all out but what about Mina? What about the pain she was going to feel after this? She wasn't ready for her heart to break once again, "You're not being serious, are you?"

"I am. At first I thought it was the perfect plan, you know? I was afraid what would happen when Nayeon left but she would have told you about it and it would be your choice to go or not, even if I had to lose you but, but she found out."

"About what?" Mina was too confused to even understand the future answer but felt the need to ask, to try to understand why the love of her life had left her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the tears that fell from the older girl were more and more and Mina simply wanted to hug her but couldn't because her body wouldn't listen to her and all she could do was feel powerless right there.

"Just tell me."

"Nayeon found out that I was in love with you."

As if everything suddenly fell into place, Mina continued, "And she tries to be nice so, according to her, the best thing was to leave on her own so as not to hurt us, right?"

"Exactly. Mina, I swear I didn't know she was going to leave alone, I thought she was going to talk to you but when you called me that morning I didn't understand, at least not until months later", the tears kept falling but Jihyo kept her eyes closed, trying not to break right there more than she already was. "But do you know what the worst part is? It didn't help that she left because it only made us both suffer even more."

"Nayeon is so, so her," Mina sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes, now getting closer to Jihyo while preventing the girl in the middle from waking up. "Hyo, you swear to me that this is real? I'm not dreaming?"

"I wish," replied the older girl, finally opening her eyes and looking her friend in the eye, just inches away. "Mina, I know this is a lot but I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Look, it doesn't really matter if I'm in love with you or not, it doesn't even matter if I like you or not. None of that matters because I know more than anyone else that Nayeon has never loved anyone as she loved you," more tears fell into the blonde's eyes with every word that came out of Jihyo's mouth, "You must go and find her."

"Are you crazy? How am I supposed to do that? I'm not going to leave you alone, Hyo," Mina couldn't hold back anymore and hugged Jihyo tightly in her arms even though it only made everything hurt more. "I never wanted to hurt you, if I had known..."

"You nothing", Jihyo took her by the hand, her eyes on Mina and Mina on hers, "You deserve to love the one you love and Mina, you know well who she is".

Mina felt her heart breaking for the second time in her life, for Jihyo, for Nayeon and for herself. Mina wanted to run to look for Nayeon, she wanted to stay with Jihyo and comfort her but all she did was take her bag and go away, go far away because reality sometimes hurt more than that lie which was so hard for her to accept.

-

_Before that morning, perhaps a couple of months earlier, Mina and Nayeon had an honest conversation._

_It all started when Nayeon asked Mina if they could see each other in that river where they had gone a while back, where everything seemed easier and nobody knew about that secret between the two girls called love. Mina was prepared for anything, lately Nayeon had been a bit absent but she always made up for that and in the end, Mina was just fine. She could accept Nayeon's slight absence because there wasn't a day when she didn't feel loved by her and sometimes people grow up and change a little, don't they? Mina tried to believe that, always knowing that there was a promise there, a promise to be kept._

_"Mina?" someone said to her left side, a voice that Mina knew better than anyone else. "I'm glad you came."  
_

_"Why here? I mean, I love this place but we haven't been here in a long time," Mina asked curiously.  
_

_"Because I have some good news and some truth that you deserve to know and this place was our favorite at that time."  
_

_"A truth?"_

_"Do you remember when we were in your room and you started taking pictures of me in the dark with the flash on and I told you how I always wanted to be a model?" Nayeon asked, sitting right next to Mina, both on a rock. "Well, I meant it."_

_"Are you going to study modeling?"  
_

_"I had several auditions in some agencies, that's why I've been so absent and I didn't want to tell you because I was just so afraid," admitted Nayeon, her gaze on the water in front of them.  
_

_"Scared of what? Of me?"_

_"Of not making it," Nayeon's voice broke a little, as if she had really gone through a difficult time while Mina didn't even know about it. "You know I'm a very confident person and that's exactly what makes me feel so pressured. I was just afraid of failing and I didn't want anyone to know, not even you. Mina, I just want to make others proud of me, my dad, my mom, you... I don't, I don't want to disappoint anyone."_

_Mina immediately turned to Nayeon, taking her by the hand and putting a soft smile on her lips, Mina now understood everything, "Failure is not bad, it is part of learning. That you fail would never disappoint us because you tried and look at you now, you succeeded, right?"_

_"I did it," Nayeon looked up at the girl she loved. "I think I'm a model now? I'm not sure but what I know is that I passed the audition,"  
_

_"Well, that's more reason for me to take pictures of you."  
_

_"But you have to be in them with me!"  
_

_"I'll think about it," said Mina before bent over and planted a kiss on her girlfriend's pink lips._

_That was a few months before that day and Mina still didn't know what had happened over the course of those months to wake up alone one morning, without the love of her life by her side._

_Nayeon and Mina had decided to sleep in the three Japanese girls' apartment because Sana and Momo had gone out to see a theater play that Nayeon decided was too boring for her. So without further ado, the apartment was alone and Mina and Nayeon took the opportunity to do what they wanted. The two girls in only a oversized shirt and underwear danced around the entire apartment, cooked together, cleaned the kitchen afterwards and watched a show that Nayeon had been watching for months. Since that afternoon at the river, the relationship between the two girls was stronger than ever. It seemed as if they had never fought for hours before or as if Nayeon was finally again just for Mina.  
_

_Once the show ended and Mina and Nayeon still had enough energy to do whatever they wanted, both girls decided to go to Mina's room. Nayeon started to tell her how her third month as a model was going and about the new challenges she had to meet, Mina on the other hand couldn't help but take a picture of her girlfriend who was posing without realizing in front of the mirror, she looked beautiful and Mina loved to appreciate her from behind.  
_

_"Oh, you're taking pictures of me but you never let me take one of you!" Nayeon complained, approaching her girlfriend. "Give me you phone."  
_

_"No," Mina said now, sticking out her tongue._

_"Come on, give it to me before I have to tickle you to take it off from you."  
_

_"Everything but tickle, please," the attempt to make the puppy-dog eyes didn't help much because in less than five seconds Nayeon was in position.  
_

_"One."  
_

_"No!"  
_

_"Two."  
_

_"I won't take any more pictures today, I promise!"_

_"Three," Nayeon finished saying and was quickly on top of her girlfriend, tickling her and not really because she wanted to take the phone from her but because she loved to hear her laugh. "I hate that you look so good laughing, how can you be so pretty without even trying?" Nayeon said, stopping for a moment._

_Mina felt her cheeks warm and responded, "You're the model here."  
_

_"You could be if you wanted to."_

_"Well, I'd rather follow my dream of having my own dance academy, but I'm not opposed to modeling for you," said Mina boldly, releasing a smile._

_Nayeon simply looked her in the eye and then brought her close to her, kissing her deeply and passionately, one of those where the two girls didn't take up much clothing to feel their whole body warm up to each other. Each time, each caress, each look was precious to the two girls because what they had built up over two years since they had sneaked around was perhaps one of the purest things each of them had._

_Mina and Nayeon ended up after a while simply lying on the bed, side by side and with their hands held. Mina had never felt so sure of anything since she held Nayeon's hand for the first time and after so many months, she had never failed to feel that way. Momo and Sana were her home and Nayeon was that refuge where she could go when everything was too much and she only wanted some hope. Maybe Mina was too in love or too naive, but she thought she would never regret any of this.  
_

_"Where is your ring?" Nayeon asked suddenly, looking kind of frightened.  
_

_"Huh?"  
_

_"Our ring."  
_

_"Oh, on the night table, don't worry," Mina responded, planting a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. "I love you, you know that, don't you?"  
_

_"I just know that I love you more."_

_Those were the last words of the night until Mina fell into a deep sleep. Her warmth remained all night because Nayeon was by her side, hugging her tightly and Mina felt safe until at eight o'clock in the morning a cold came in through the window and Mina suddenly woke up, the other side of her bed empty and silent all over the room._

_When Mina opened her eyes, the first thing she thought of was going to wash her face but then she realized that Nayeon's bag was gone, that means she had left without saying goodbye, which wasn't common at all in Nayeon. She always says goodbye, always. Even so, Mina walked to the kitchen in case she found her girlfriend preparing breakfast as usual or if any of her two best friends had seen her. Mina found nothing of the sort, she only saw Momo sleeping in Sana's arms in the youngest girl's room. Mina smiled and immediately went to the bathroom. Her girlfriend probably had something important to do at the agency so Mina tried not to overanalyze it and go to the shower not without first sending a good morning message to her girlfriend._

_"What did you and Nayeon do last night?" asked Sana, biting into a piece of toast._

_"We cooked, played, danced, watched a show and made out," Mina responded by trying to sound relaxed but couldn't stop her cheeks from turning red._

_"You're such a girl in love," Momo added, biting into Sana's toast._

_"By the way, didn't you see Nayeon leave? She didn't even say goodbye and for some reason I can't send her messages, it's like she has no signal?"_

_"Try calling her," Sana said, and then biting Momo who had bitten into her toast.  
_

_"I don't want to be so nosy, you know."_

_"God, you overanalyze too much, she's your girlfriend! Give me that," Momo stood up, her hand rubbing the spot on her shoulder where Sana bit. "I will call her."_

_Once Momo dialed the number, she walked towards the kitchen, Mina following her, and they both stopped suddenly when Momo removed the phone from her ear, her eyes wide and her mouth half open. Mina couldn't help but feel nervous that something had happened to her girlfriend or that she was in trouble, but what came out of Momo's mouth didn't go through the young girl's head, at all, "It says the line is out of the country."_

_Mina ran.  
_

_Mina ran all the way home to her girlfriend's house just to find an empty room. Mina ran again, ran to that apartment building where she lived and looked in her bed, in her nightstand, in her closet, she looked all over her room for a note, a picture, something that would explain why the person she considered the love of her life was gone, she found nothing. Mina ran for the last time to the one who she knew would be there, who wouldn't leave._

_Mina ran, tears streaming down her red cheeks, until she reached Jihyo's house._

_-_

The night was getting longer, the young girl felt that there was no way she could close her eyes and finally have some peace after all that was going on in her head. The words that came out of Jihyo's mouth were repeated over and over again and Mina felt that she was going crazy. Maybe she needed to take one of those sleeping pills or maybe if she went to Sana's room and asked to sleep with her she would at least fix something, still, the chances were slim because how was Mina supposed to go on with her life after knowing the truth? Mina had feelings for Nayeon, that was for sure although she wasn't sure what kind of feelings. How was she supposed to find out? And if she did, what would she do with it? Mina would definitely go crazy. 

It was a mistake to run away from Jihyo's house and walk around the city alone, believing that this would somehow relieve all the pain she felt in her chest. Even though it had been years since Nayeon left, Mina was never able to heal and maybe this thing that Jihyo told her simply opened up that wound that she pretended to have healed. Mina didn't want to keep that wound there, itching every time Nayeon was mentioned or when memories would come up at night. 

Mina wanted to get better.

For that reason, or perhaps because she was too exhausted of waiting for time to heal, Mina got out of bed. She took a coat and put on her shoes, looked at herself in the mirror for the last time and left her room on tiptoe because if her two best friends found out what she was going to do, they wouldn't let her do it in a thousand years. It was an impulse, something that wasn't planned but felt like the right thing to do and Mina wanted to try it one more time, even if it was her last one, she wanted to get better.

At a fast pace and with nervousness running through every part of her body, Mina walked at two o'clock in the morning to Nayeon's house. It was the worst idea in the world and she realized it when she was halfway there but she trusted her instincts. The best thing was to face that which hurt, to face everything that kept her awake and finally do something about it. Mina couldn't stand Nayeon avoiding her and simply disappearing from her life once again because it hurt, and although perhaps having her around hurt even more, it was what she needed to keep going.

When she finally set foot in front of Nayeon's house, Mina remembered that she didn't bring her phone so she would have to figure out how to get Nayeon's attention without having to wake up her whole family. Her first option was to call Nayeon's name in a low voice but the wind was strong and probably nothing could be heard. The second option was to whistle until Nayeon heard her but soon her lips got tired so she went directly to the third option which was to take a stone and throw it at Nayeon's window and surprisingly it worked because in just seconds the light in Nayeon's room turned on. Nayeon looked out of the window with a scowl and when she recognized who was there, Nayeon just rolled her eyes and left, Mina thought she was probably going to open, and she confirmed it when she heard the footsteps near the door.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Mina was apologizing on the stairs as the two girls walked to the older girl's room. "It was just an impulse."

"Don't ever do that again, Mina, seriously, this stupid impulse could have ended badly, did you at least look at the time?" grunted Nayeon who, despite looking angry, Mina couldn't help but find her cute in her bunny pajamas.

Not much time passed and Mina ended up wearing one of those bunny pajamas too because clearly Nayeon wouldn't let her leave at that hour even though she didn't seem to want to talk either. Mina agreed to sleep in Nayeon's bed in silence while the girl placed a mattress on the floor, turned off the lights and there was nothing more to say. Everything was silent and Mina didn't want this whole thing to have been in vain, so she took another risk, "Nayeon, can we talk?" There was no answer, so Mina sat up in bed and tried again, "You know that if I walked here it's for something important, you know me better than anyone else."

"Then let me speak first," Mina could feel from the tone of the older girl's voice that this was probably going to be a mess, but Mina wouldn't give up, not now, "You told me that you hated me and that I simply made you suffer for years, which I accept and I'm really sorry about that, but once I tried to give you space now you show up at 2 am in the window of my house with the intention of talking? What do you want from me?"

"Nayeon, I don't hate you and I don't even think that's possible, God."

"So you just lied and expect me to act like nothing? Mina, I'm just trying to do what's best for you, I always have," Nayeon sounded a little confused and sad, and Mina somehow empathized with those feelings and seeing them in someone as tough as Nayeon simply hurt. 

"That's your mistake, from the beginning," Mina raised her voice, making Nayeon finally look at her in the darkness of her room. "You had to give me time to be able to first of all accept the fact that you are back. I needed time to see how the hell try to forget everything I feel for you so that I could see you as a friend which you never were, we were never friends because from the first day Nayeon, my eyes were on you."

Nayeon sighed and closed her eyes, maybe this was too much not only for Mina but for the two girls, "You think I don't feel anything? That it doesn't hurt me to be here, to see all those places that were once part of me as just memories that I tried to keep in mind while I was alone in America?"

Mina felt a punch in her chest because really the Japanese girl had forgotten for almost two years that she wasn't the only one suffering. Mina suddenly stood up, walked a few steps to the mattress where Nayeon was now sitting and sat down right in front of her. Maybe this was going to be one of many things that Mina had done that would need so much courage on her part but Mina knew that this was what both she and her ex love deserved, the truth, "Hyo told me everything."

Nayeon's lips immediately formed an o, although there was little light and only the moonlight allowed Mina to look at Nayeon, it was impossible not to notice how everything about her was paralyzed by those words. A few seconds passed until Nayeon sighed, surrendered because there was nothing left to hide, "Everything?"

"You wanted me to go with you to America, didn't you?" Mina said confidently, which she had a hard time keeping up when Nayeon looked at her with watery eyes. "Let's be honest, just one more time please."

"I never wanted to leave you alone," Nayeon began, her voice almost broken. "I, I never wanted to be selfish or the villain of the story, maybe I just tried to make things right for myself and failed in the attempt, maybe I needed you to make things right." 

Mina simply closed her eyes, her hands holding Nayeon's trembling hands, "So, why?"

"It was a difficult decision that I never even thought I would make. That was the opportunity of my life if I really wanted to succeed in my modeling career. My mom told me that there was no way I could turn down that opportunity but then I, I thought of you," Mina felt a pain in her chest at the words, a pain that she had to hide because she had to be the strong one, at least for tonight. "I was so in love with you that I was completely sure that I would stay here for the sake of our love. You know, we were young and in love, I thought I really didn't care about anything other than our love but... but I was wrong."

"It was Jihyo, right?"

"I didn't want to lose you, ever," Nayeon stressed, her voice louder and rougher, her eyes now with tears streaming down her red cheeks. "But one day, Jihyo left her diary in her bed, open. I was nosy, you know, so I thought I'd find out something funny or I don't know... You can imagine my face when the first thing I read was your name and how much she suffered seeing you with me, her best friend. Maybe then, I thought that when I left everything would be fine, I even thought that you could be together and I was just someone who stood in your way."

"But I was in love with you, Nayeon!

"I know, and I, I was in love with you. It's just that the words you said that night, that's what made me make the decision."

Mina failed to do so. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't be the strong one and tears started to fall down her cheeks as she held that girl's hands in front of her tighter and tighter, "You mean what I told you about wanting to follow my dream?"

"I could never take you away from Momo and Sana, it was something selfish and I didn't want to make you choose. Then I thought about Jihyo and everything, everything made sense. If I leave by myself, maybe you could forget about me, I thought it was possible," Nayeon's gaze fell on the hands of the two girls. "When one night I found myself looking for you alone at night, in the streets, in the sky, in everything around me I realized that it was impossible and probably already too late."

Among the more tears that fell, the less Mina could stop thinking about everything, about how things went wrong because of misunderstandings and decisions made at the wrong time, about Jihyo and her big secret that Mina couldn't help but feel guilty, about Nayeon and her way of always trying to do the best for everyone without thinking about the consequences and above all, Mina was thinking about herself. How she hated Nayeon for years but it was all a plan that went wrong for everyone. Nayeon didn't leave to hurt her but to build her own path without interfering with Mina's. Perhaps if Nayeon had told her that before she left, Mina probably wouldn't have suffered so much thinking about what she did wrong or why she left. Maybe she and Jihyo could have had an ending together, but what was the point of thinking about all that if Mina was there, right in front of Nayeon and her heart was beating as fast as it always did when Nayeon was by her side.

Nayeon would always be part of Mina.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Mina said with a hoarse voice, her hands still in Nayeon's and wet tears in her laps. 

"Keep on living, it was my mistake Mina and I must pay for it, maybe I already paid for it all those nights in America where I wondered what you were doing or how you were, where I wanted my life back but I had nothing but loneliness. Now, I can't do anything else."

It was hard to hear Nayeon so down, one of the few things that Mina was always going to hate. During the two and a half years that they were together, Mina made an effort to never be the one to take away that light in Nayeon, to be the one to make sure that she was always happy and smiling because Nayeon deserved it, but who Mina was seeing was nothing more than the remains of what that girl was. 

"Your ring," Nayeon suddenly said, calling the girl's attention.

"What ring?"

"Our ring, where is it?"

"Oh, Nayeon, I," Mina felt a lump in her throat, but she had to be honest this time. "I.I don't have it anymore."

"What? Why?"

"I was so angry with you, I'm so sorry," Mina knew there was no justification for what she did and even she regretted it every night that year, but now all she could do was ask for forgiveness. "I'll pay it back."

Nayeon let out a laugh at the comment, "It's okay, I deserved it I guess," A few seconds of silence was all there was as Mina felt more and more guilty and the two girls' tears began to dry. "In fact, there's something I can get as compensation."

"Huh?"

"Do you want to go with me to the hospital tomorrow to see my dad?" The question was the most unexpected one, Mina expected anything but that. "He asks me a lot about you."

The younger girl knew that this was going to be difficult and was even afraid, she was afraid of all that it could mean but she still nodded strongly. Both girls sighed and Mina knew that there was nothing more to say or try to solve, it was all over. Mina let go of her older girl's hands and then gave a forced smile, just to walk up to the bed and lie down on it. Mina didn't say anything more than "Good night, Nayeon," and closed her eyes only to hear a, "Sweet dreams, Mina," from the one who used to be the love of her life.

-

_Mina had already gone through several stages of the breakup. Although this breakup was so different from anything she had ever imagined, it still hurt the same. Mina waited the first month for Nayeon to call her, send her a letter or a message saying that she had to leave and that it was necessary to end things, so that Mina could get on with her life and just try to forget about the bad joke it was. To her misfortune, that never happened in the first month, nor in the second and when Mina had been crying, screaming and suffering for months, she finally became angry._

_She hoped that somehow that anger would make her forget and stop being the one who kept crying at parties when her group of friends got together or the one who had distanced herself from her two best friends because being around them only made her feel weak. Mina no longer wanted any of that. That's why she was so angry. She had promised herself not to go through that box of Nayeon's memories again, gave Jihyo the sweaters and oversized shirts that Nayeon had left her, and finally, after much debate, was able to delete Nayeon's number from her phone. It was fair, wasn't it? Almost six months had passed and although Mina was still with that silly idea that maybe there was a chance that Nayeon would come back to her, Mina was determined not to cry anymore.  
_

_Every day she followed the same routine. Mina would get up early, stretch a bit, get ready and go to the dance practice studio throughout the day until she had to tutor, meet Jihyo for a few minutes and go home alone, hoping not to have to face questions from her two best friends. It was not a good routine, Mina was starting to feel tired all the time and couldn't even get better at dancing because she did everything to distract herself and in the end, she ended up incorporating all her worries into her dancing and everything was messed up. Mina was angry again, why did Nayeon's absence have to interfere with her dancing, with everything she loved? Maybe Nayeon wanted that from the beginning, she wanted to leave her and ruin every little step Mina took. Probably, Nayeon was having the best life in America and Mina had to keep confusing step 7 and 8 in that choreography over and over again. Maybe Mina had to really get Nayeon out of her life, it was the best thing for everyone. Delete every photo that she took of Nayeon, eliminate every memory of all those times they spent a whole weekend together or that time they went to Japan at the end of the year. Eliminate every part of Mina where Nayeon had a place._

_The girl didn't think so, but eliminating every part of Nayeon in her life would end up changing who she was consecutively, but Mina was simply too angry._

_It was just one night that Mina decided to do it. While trying to read a book that Tzuyu had recommended about spirituality and self-love, Mina felt something was itching in her hand. It was a feeling as if suddenly Mina had some allergy she didn't know about and her whole hand started itching to the point that she had to close the book and go to the hand washer. Once she got there, as usual, she took off her ring and put it aside and then washed her hand with soap. Once her hand was washed it simply stopped itching and Mina took the ring off and put it on her finger until once again it started itching but it was no longer her hand, it was only her finger and Mina understood everything._

_The ring she had and the meaning of it was perhaps part of that hope that was still in her and if Mina wanted to get rid of it all she had to get rid of that ring too. So Mina took it off and put it in her bedside cabinet, just like that. No more itching and no more feeling of hope was left for the Japanese girl._

_Mina felt uneasy all the time. It was as if something was telling her that she still had things to do to make Nayeon disappear from her life. She had to stop waiting for time and get everything out of her way just as Nayeon wanted it to be, right? She disappeared, she slipped through Mina's fingers and now she had to let her go. Mina couldn't be at ease until the last memory of Nayeon disappeared from her sight and that damn ring she always saw when she opened the cabinet at night made it very complicated._

_Mina took the ring in her hands one afternoon and went out with it to her living room to meet her two best friends watching a movie together. Mina wanted to be there, in between the two of them as she always had been but she knew that she couldn't even watch a stupid movie because everything hurt so Mina just opened the door of the apartment without saying a word until Sana did, "Where are you going?"  
_

_"I have things to do."_

_"Are you feeling better?" Sana asked, a question that she knew Mina hated but there was no way for Sana to stop asking how her friend felt._

_"You know, I'm trying."_

_"If you feel miserable you know you can go to Jihyo's place, right? We... we love you so much Mina but we don't want to overwhelm you so we try to be there for you as much as you allow us to," Sana continued, making Mina feel her stomach turn. "I know you will come to us eventually."_

_"I, I need to go," Mina replied dryly but not before giving a sympathetic smile to her two best friends._

_Mina thought of all the places in the city where she could throw that ring away. She didn't want to keep it on her finger because it meant there was still hope for her that Nayeon would return and perhaps the decision was too hasty and she might regret it for years to come but, as it was known, Mina lived on impulses and instincts. So without much thought, Mina walked._

_She walked all over town hoping to find the perfect way to throw that ring out of her life as the only thing she needed to make Nayeon only history. Mina walked to the station, took the train and got off right at the same stop where she had gotten off with her friends some time before. Mina didn't even know what she was doing there or if she had really gone crazy in Nayeon's absence because there was no other explanation. The girl walked around the beach, her bare feet in the sand as she watched the sunset that was just beginning to set. She remembered the words that Nayeon and Mina once shared there, when everything was easy and Nayeon was still by her side. The tears that Mina said she wouldn't shed fell down her cheeks and Mina cursed silently. Why was it so difficult for her to move on from Nayeon? She knew that Nayeon had been the love of her life and an essential part of her but she left on her own and Mina had to forget her in order to be her again because she hated what she had become._

_As the tears fell, Mina screamed. She screamed alone there on the seashore, she screamed because everything hurt and she hated feeling that way, she hated missing someone so much who just didn't care about leaving her side. Mina took the ring in her hands for the last time and promised not to cry for Nayeon again, not to wait for her anymore and just try to be happy.  
_

_A couple of minutes later, Mina was walking in the sand on the same road she came in, her hands now empty._

_Nothing really turned out as she expected because once she got off the train, the sun had already set and everything was dark. Mina was angry again. On impulse, Mina changed her direction and went straight to that corner store. She wanted to forget for a while, she didn't want to feel angry or sad anymore, she just wanted to feel numb. She took a bottle of that wine that Jeongyeon claimed to have much alcohol that it would put any of the girls to sleep and then, she walked to the cash register. Once she was alone on a bench near the city's central park, Mina opened the bottle and drank until the bottle was empty and her head was spinning because everything simply hurt too much._

_"Are you okay, girl?" Once she heard a voice on the right side, Mina didn't even bother to look at who it was because she was too wasted. "What's your name? I can take you home."_

_"I walk," Mina replied, her gaze lost.  
_

_"It's late, you should go home now, give me that bottle," said one more time who according to Mina was a man and probably didn't even know him._

_"I will, thank you," Mina responded as best she could and stood up simply to stumble because she couldn't even walk. " Actually, could you call a number?"_

_The man Mina didn't even know who he was, called Jihyo, because Mina needed help and didn't want to bother her best friends, but unfortunately, Jihyo didn't respond. Probably because it was an unknown number and Mina didn't have the strength to go to Jihyo's house or even anywhere. She was ready to stay on that bench all night if it wasn't for the man asking for one last number to call and Mina simply babbled the first one that came to her mind. Minutes later, Sana and Momo were there, carrying the girl in their arms to the apartment building._

_Once inside the apartment, Mina finally had some consciousness and all she could do was cry. She fell to the floor and Sana held her tight. Mina couldn't even get up because she didn't have the strength, there was nothing in her that could make her get up from there. Sana refused to let go of Mina for even a minute, always holding her in her arms tightly, as if she was afraid that the girl might leave, "Sana, I threw it away."_

_"What? What are you talking about?" Sana asked worried as she waited for Momo to finish filling the tub with hot water._

_"The ring, I, I didn't want to throw it away because it was my promise, Sana, I, I never break promises," tears kept falling and Mina was still crying uncontrollably in her friend's arms._

_"We'll see about that later, okay? We'll go get it but first try to breathe."_

_"I threw it on the beach, in the sea and there is no way to get it back," Sana seemed hopeless, she didn't know what to do but to hold her friend. "I just... I just miss her so badly that it hurts."  
_

_"Nayeon?"  
_

_"It is always her."_

_Sana bathed Mina, making sure that the hot water relaxed her enough so that she was ready to get out of the tub and face again the cruel reality that Sana knew she was experiencing. After putting on a big warm sweater and drying her hair, Mina was ready to simply fall into her bed and not wake up for a couple of hours. Everything was so tired and even though the alcohol had gone down, Mina still felt dizzy. The three girls laid down on Mina's bed, Momo and Sana hugged her and took care of her until she fell asleep and there was no more pain for at least a little while._

_Momo and Sana were sure that now was the time to intervene and get Mina out of that hell that was Nayeon's memories._

-

As Mina walked alone in the streets of Seoul in the middle of the day, her head was anywhere but there. The night before had been perhaps one of the most complicated and painful she had ever experienced, having to look Nayeon in the eye and hear everything the two girls had gone through to get to the point where it hurt even to be near each other was awful. Mina was probably never going to be ready for that moment, but now, having faced that which haunted her day and night, it felt like she could finally breathe after years. She still hadn't gotten over it, she was far from it, but it was the beginning of a new phase in which there was no more hate and no more resentment, or so she tried to believe.

The reason Mina believed that was because of what happened that morning. Even though sleeping at someone else's house was normal for Mina because she went to sleep at Jihyo or Tzuyu's house whenever she could, sleeping at Nayeon's house wasn't easy. Her mind couldn't stop thinking about all the things they talked about and although she was almost sure that Nayeon was going through something similar, she preferred to pretend to be asleep as she didn't feel capable of at least trying to bring up the subject again, not for that night. Even so, she couldn't help but be surprised when she woke up with the sunlight on her face and Nayeon bringing her breakfast in bed to later get ready because she had to keep her promise, she had to go to the hospital where Nayeon's father was. 

At first Mina thought it was an excellent idea since she had been part of the process of getting to know Nayeon's father when he had improved, seeing him walk again and even talking to him about Nayeon. Mina still remembered when one afternoon when Nayeon was busy with a photo session, Mina spent the day at the Im's house and it was right there when Mr. Im had told her what he expected for the future. He asked Mina to take care of Nayeon because he couldn't and although Nayeon could be quite annoying, she had a huge heart. Mina knew that, yet she couldn't help but feel her heart shrink when she remembered how Nayeon behaved when they had just met, a cold person totally hurt by fate. At that time, Mina had given her word to take care of Nayeon as much as she could. Now as Mina walked through the door of the hospital she could only feel chills running through her body because she couldn't keep that promise.

After the night before, Mina and Nayeon couldn't even look each other in the eye. It was understandable, they had opened painful wounds and unforgettable memories that the two of them had carried for years. Mina expected nothing more than that, a silence from both of them because saying a single word could break them right there. However, that didn't stop Nayeon before reaching the door of her father's hospital room to say, "This is hard, I know, but I know he'll be happy to see you."

"Won't you come in with us?"

Nayeon put on a nice smile that really looked sadder than anything else, "No, only one person can come in, but it's better that way, you know? There are so many things he wants to say to you, it's funny... he always found you so trustworthy when he didn't even talk to anyone about how he felt. I think this is a good thing for both of you," Nayeon's hands held Mina's, tightly.

Mina knew that everything about her father made Nayeon weak, yet Mina was determined to make at least this right, "Thank you, really."

Mina, with her legs shaking a little, came through the door and found Mr. Im in bed, lying down and with machines at his side, keeping him alive. Mina wanted to cry right there but she had to stay strong if she wanted this to go well, she didn't want to be a burden even for him, "Mr. Im..." Mina said in a low voice.

"Who are you?" the man asked, barely opening his eyes. "Oh my God, it's not possible, Miss Myoui, is it you?"

"I told you that you could tell me Mina," Mina commented, bringing a smile to Nayeon's father. "How has it been going?"

"Well, you can see me barely breathing but I'm happy to see you, I was afraid you'd never come back."

"Come back?"

"To my daughter's life," Mr. Im said, still the smile on his face. "For you to be here is because you speak to each other again, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's been complicated," Mina admitted, her eyes on the floor. "She asked me if I wanted to come here and it really took me by surprise. I didn't think that after, you know, she would want me to come here, to talk to someone who means so much to her."

"Well, she knew she had to do it, I had made it clear to her that if she ever set foot in Korea again, she had to get you back or there would be trouble," Mr. Im seemed to be saying it as if it was a joke but Mina couldn't help thinking that maybe that was the reason why Nayeon was so friendly with her from the beginning, Nayeon wanted her back, "You are the love of her life, she would be a fool not to realize it," he added.

"I just... I never thought she'd come back."

"I knew it, not because she had told me but people always come back to where they were happy, don't they?" Nayeon's father said, a silence followed until he spoke again. "Let's stop talking about sad things, how has your life been? I'm sure you're already a professional dancer."

An hour was plenty of time for a girl like Mina who didn't use to talk much, but once the conversation with Nayeon's father went a little further, Mina felt that time was flying by. From talking about her dance classes, her parents in Japan, her tutoring lesson and even how Momo was still in love with Sana. Mina let out a lot of things on her chest that she would have liked to tell Nayeon but ended up there, next to a hospital gurney telling all that to the girl's father. Mr. Im, in spite of probably feeling exhausted and sick, paid a lot of attention to the girl, he always came out with his funny comments that made Mina laugh even in the most awkward situations, but what caused the most effect on Mina, was the last words before leaving.

"Mina, before you go," the man said as Mina was about to open the door. "Stop ignoring your heart and listen to it, it is right."

"Excuse me?"

"Nayeon, she gave you Grandma's ring, right? Well, she came back, she fulfilled, now is your time."

Those words kept ringing in the young girl's head even as she walked down the building's stairs to her apartment, knowing full well what was going to happen next. Sana and Momo were probably extremely angry and well, they were right. They had no idea that Mina was at Nayeon's place or that she had spent the morning in the hospital. They had always been too concerned about Mina, and although it was something good that Mina would always appreciate, sometimes Mina wanted to deal with her problems in her own way.

Once the door opened, just as she expected, there were her two best friends with tea on the table and their faces more serious than ever. Mina left her shoes at the door and closed it, she knew what was coming.

"Where the hell were you?" Sana suddenly said, causing Mina to take a step back. "We were calling you all day, even Jihyo and Tzuyu, we were really worried about you, Mina."

"Why couldn't you even send us a message?" Momo added, being absolutely right.

"I know there's no excuse but it was just an impulse and I... I ended up at Nayeon's," the younger girl confessed, walking to the table and sitting right in front of her two friends. "Everything was a mess and I, I needed to talk to her."

"You had to go talk to your ex at 2 in the morning? Are you serious?"

"It sounds silly, I know, but it was the only thing I could do."

"At least you solved something?" asked Momo before taking a sip of her tea.

"A lot, actually."

"You know what? I'm tired," Sana said suddenly, drawing the attention of the two girls. "You could have discussed it with us before you went, or at least told us you were going out, but you always make the worst choice of doing things, and we always have to be the last to know," Mina had known Sana since she was a little girl, and so she knew that what Sana was saying wasn't just about the night before.

Mina had been a burden to both of her friends in Nayeon's absence and yet, Mina had always tried to minimize it for her friends and would seek help from her other friends, which was good but only made Sana and Momo feel like they were always there but were never really allowed to know everything that was going on with their friend. It was understandable that Mina didn't want to bother her best friends but not talk to them when they knew something was going on just made a big division between Mina and them. Mina knew that, she always knew that every time she ran to Jihyo or Tzuyu's house, her friends would worry. Every time Mina locked herself in the room or decided to go to the dance studio for hours on her own, her friends would worry. This wasn't new, this was something Sana had probably felt for years only she could finally admit it.

"What would you know about getting better if it was always us who were there, who saw you crying and wiped away your tears. At least be grateful, huh?"

"Sana, what the hell? I've always been grateful to you and in fact I wouldn't be here without you," Mina raised her voice suddenly, her gaze piercing her friend. "You, you are the one who doesn't understand."

"What do you mean?" said Sana and for a moment it seemed that Momo didn't exist in the room.

"Well it looks like you haven't even tried to get your act together, doesn't it Momo?" It was evident that Mina was just talking, she didn't even mean any of this but she just couldn't shut up anymore.

"Momo? What the hell are you two talking about?"

"It's nothing, really," Momo finally spoke.

"God, we're not kids anyome just tell me!"

"I may have been in love with you for years but I'm a coward and maybe Mina is right, people have different ways of handling situations and I, I just didn't know how to say it, and that's all," once she said that, Momo stood up from the table and there was only silence. 

Sana was looking at her own hands, Mina was looking at Momo with watery eyes and Momo was just staring at the ceiling because it was all out of control and the last thing they wanted was for someone to get hurt but it seemed impossible.

"I'm sorry," Mina mumbled, a tear coming down. "I didn't want you to have to say this here and now, I," Mina took a breath of air, this was all too much for her. Not only because of this discussion with her two best friends, but also because of everything that happened this morning, but Mina tried, "Look, I didn't want to worry you guys and I know it was my mistake but I just felt like it was the thing to do and I wanted to do it right, okay? I just wanted to be able to talk to Nayeon like we should have done years ago," Mina confessed now, Momo still standing and Sana holding her hand. "I didn't want to lead this discussion between you but for God's sake, if you could look at each other's eyes and say everything you want to say, wouldn't that fix everything? Isn't it better to follow your heart?"

"I am a coward too," Sana said once that silence had taken over the room. "I am afraid."

"Of what?" Momo asked, holding her friend's hand tightly.

"I just don't want us to end up like..." The silence was enough for Mina to understand and the sigh that came from her mouth let everyone know. "I'm sorry, Mina."

"You will never be Nayeon and me, that's for sure," Mina stood up now, walked over to her friends and put her hand right on theirs, all three of them together. "It's time for you two to stop wasting your time and talk, talk about anything, but do it."

"I, I'll go take a bath," Momo released the two girls' hands and stepped towards her room until Sana spoke and her body froze right there.

"I'm in love with you too," the girl said but now she seemed not to be so afraid, and with Mina holding her hand, Sana felt safe."I was just so angry with Mina because I could never be that brave. I'm sorry to both of you."

The three girls ended up suddenly laughing because all this was too dramatic for the obvious truths that each one had. Sana, with tears in her eyes, hugged the two girls she loved so much, a strong hug that Mina wished would last a long time. The tears were still dry on her cheeks but now it felt lighter, as if that big weight each one was carrying finally lifted them off. Sana and Momo probably still had a lot to talk about and maybe this was just the beginning of something much bigger that would come later, but at least Mina felt she was doing the right thing. 

Mina finally knew what she had to do.

-

_The wind was blowing out the window while Mina was in her room, her hands busy holding all those photos she and Nayeon took and printed, all those letters and gifts, every little note and movie ticket, everything was everywhere and Mina was trying not to shed any more tears. Enough time had passed for Nayeon's memories not to break her, yet that didn't mean it didn't hurt. How was anyone supposed to forget two years of one of the most wonderful experiences imaginable? Mina didn't understand, and although she clung to the idea that it was almost impossible, she finally decided to put a foot on the acceptance level. Some would say that it was more a kind of denial because now her head didn't believe that Nayeon would ever be in her life again and that's why it was necessary for her to get out of that eternal emptiness in which the girl left her, but for Mina to accept that Nayeon was a hopeless case was the only way to find acceptance for a break-up that never happened._

_It was hard to say goodbye to all the things Nayeon left at home, like that sweater they always shared when they went out at night or that scarf that belonged to Mina but Nayeon ended up making it hers over time. Everything that was Nayeon's meant a lot to Mina and that's why she was sure that everything would be better off away from her. On the other hand, it was impossible for her to throw away all those photos and letters so the best she could think of was to keep them in a box so she wouldn't have to open them again. That was what Mina set out to do that winter afternoon, where she finally came to the conclusion that Nayeon was never meant for her._

_The phone buzzed and Mina grabbed it, "Hello?"  
_

_"Mina, are you coming?" Jeongyeon asked from the other phone line.  
_

_"I will, it's just that I'm on to something important right now but I'll be there soon, okay?"  
_

_"Don't take too long, Mina!"_

_Mina finished the call and sighed, she had to do this quickly. It was difficult, and although Sana insisted that she take it easy and not do it in a hurry, Mina wanted to finish it quickly, to get over the pain of erasing Nayeon's memories from her room._

_Once Mina felt that there were no more memories of a distant past in sight, no more letters or gifts, no more empty and hopeful flashbacks, she finally felt ready to go out with her friends because it was the only thing that could help her right now. Since Nayeon left months ago, Mina had behaved a little differently with her friends, she had distanced herself and didn't look for help until she was so devastated and tired of suffering that her friends had to pick her up from that painful place. Now, she was better, right? It was time to resume everything she left behind and try to move forward with her life and the people around her._

_That afternoon was very enlightening for young Mina. Not only did she realize how much her friends had missed her and how worried they all were about her, but she also opened herself up to the possibilities of many ideas. Perhaps she had never thought of it that way, but once she and Jeongyeon were alone waiting for Jihyo and Chaeyoung to buy ice cream, the conversation between the two girls made Mina understand a new point of view, one that would make her see what she refused to believe.  
_

_"I've seen you smiling more today than I've seen you in months, you're really better, huh?"_

_"I'm trying."_

_"You shouldn't try too hard, you know? It's something that will eventually pass and maybe it's better to suffer a little," added the girl in front of Mina, both sitting on a park bench. "I've always thought that relationships are experiences that will make you stronger, and of course this experience was a hard one because Nayeon is my best friend and so are you, but I think this will help both of you."_

_Mina believed that what Jeongyeon was saying made no sense, how could she be happy to have to go through a breakup with someone she loved? Still, she simply said, "Do you think so?"_

_"Just look at the world, you have so many opportunities ahead and by that I mean not only work or college but also people, you know."_

_Like a bucket of water, Mina understood what Jeongyeon meant. It was something that she refused to think about because she was so sure that she wasn't going to love someone as much as Nayeon that it was useless to try anything with someone other than her, even so, Mina understood that she had a life ahead of her and waiting for Nayeon wasn't worth it, Mina would be fine on her own and maybe she would find love in the future, one that was real. "You know what? You're right, right now I don't think so but maybe in the future I'll be able to find love again, Nayeon is not the only person in the world, right?"_

_"Exactly! Besides, what's so special about Nayeon? Well, yeah she is special in all ways but did you see her two front teeth? She looks like a bunny, do you like bunnies as a couple? I don't think so!"_

_Mina burst out laughing as Jeongyeon was just trying to make her feel better. At the same time, it was understandable how hard this was for her friends because they loved and cared for the two girls who were now no more than ex-lovers, "I think I'll do that, I'll look for someone else someday but until I'm ready, for now I'll just live my life as I can."_

_Once the other two girls finally finished buying ice cream, Mina was able to notice how her friends recognized something different about her. Perhaps, a year after Nayeon's breakup, Mina could finally get back to being that shy girl who always knew how to make others smile, the one who listened to other people's love problems or the one who danced out of passion and not to force herself to forget. A sparkle in her eyes and a shy smile was enough to make her friends walking towards her smile as well._

_Mina was going to be fine._

_As the night approached, Mina went to the dance practice studio after her tutoring classes. Just her and the music. That was enough to make those thirty minutes so important for her and her alone. There was nothing else, no more names, memories or voices in her mind but her. She didn't have to drop tears when dancing, she didn't have to force herself to listen to the music or try to wear herself out on the floor. She didn't have to do anything but enjoy the dance. A smile on her face was enough to accompany the adrenaline her body was feeling, finally being free to feel miserable and empty. She wasn't going to lie, there was a time when Mina feared that by using dance as her only way to channel the sadness and anger she would end up hating her greatest passion. Even so, she didn't stop because it was the only thing that made her feel alive and that night, Mina felt alive again.  
_

_Jeongyeon was right. This was an experience that, although difficult, would be useful to her in the future, and perhaps Nayeon was only a part of her life that was not meant to be her lover. Mina was learning to find herself and wait for things to happen as they were meant to because it no longer mattered. She had special people by her side and that was enough for her._

_The night was cold as the brown-haired girl walked the streets of Seoul alone, with no one by her side to keep her warm that night or at least to keep her company in the cold. She knew that just by walking through the door of her apartment, there would be enough warmth because her two best friends would be waiting for her. Upon opening the door, Mina found her two friends asleep on the living room couch and Mina only smiled at how adorable they looked right there._

_She tiptoed into her room, took off her clothes and went into the shower. It was a shower like she hadn't had in months, one of her enjoying water and not bathing to try and feel better. She put on her favorite pajamas, some penguin pajamas her mom bought her for her birthday, this time she didn't wear any of those shirts that smell like the past. She combed her hair in the mirror and smiled, decided she wanted to dye it blonde so tomorrow she would go for the dye because today she just wanted to feel her two favorite people close to her. In silence, Mina walked around her room, looked at the mirror that used to have three pictures now only having two, opened her bedroom door after a sigh and approached the couch, lay down next to her two best friends and felt like she was suddenly welcomed into their arms._

_That night, after a day of much thought, she came to the conclusion that Nayeon wasn't so necessary for Mina to feel love._

-

Mina left the apartment door knowing what she had to do. It was as if everything suddenly made sense to her, as if she could finally make decisions without fear of an uncertain future. So, before opening the door Mina took her sweater, put on her shoes and combed her hair in the living room mirror. She looked at herself for a few seconds and sighed, hearing her friends laughing with each other in the background, inside Momo's room. Mina simply smiled because once again she knew everything would be okay and even more so now that she knew what she had to do.

Mina left on her way to Jihyo's house. 

Despite her confidence, Mina couldn't help but feel a little nervous when she got to the street corner where her friend lived. After that night when they had confessed feelings and revealed secrets, they had not spoken about it anymore. It was a topic that was still on their minds but it was impossible to talk about it so soon. It was understandable, the two girls needed time to process every little part and wound they opened that night in Jihyo's room. Mina didn't regret it, though. Perhaps opening her eyes to the truth that was hidden for so long was the best thing that could have happened and she could even say that it was necessary to be able to heal herself. So Mina got rid of her nervousness and fears and took the last step towards Jihyo's door.

She was ready.

Once the door opened, Mina looked into her friend's eyes and then ran into her arms, holding her so tightly that the older girl thought they would fall to the floor.

"Hey, you really missed me, huh?" Jihyo teased, bringing a smile to the other girl's face. "I really missed you too, Mina."

"I did," Mina confessed, her cheeks a little red. "Can I come in?"

"We've known each other for five years and you still ask that? Just come in."

"Jihyo," Mina whispered once as she sat down on the chair in Jihyo's kitchen dining room.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm here because I'm ready."

The silence remained in the room for a few seconds, Jihyo's look changed to a more serious one and Mina simply felt her hands shaking under the table, "Ready to talk?"

"Ready for many things but among them, to talk to you," Mina said confidently, she knew this was what she had to do. "First of all, I want to apologize to you."

"For what?"

"For not realizing how you felt about me before, I, I never wanted to hurt you. I was so busy with my own problems that I ended up making them yours when I couldn't even help you with those problems you never tell, all that stuff you had hidden there," Mina pointed to Jihyo's chest, especially the left side of it.

"How are you going to think that this is your fault, Mina? I decided to hide it for the sake of everyone. I didn't want to meddle with Nayeon and you, ever." Jihyo meant it and Mina knew it but couldn't ignore the guilt in her stomach. "Besides, I realized that you are not for me, and that's why we are friends."

"And you like it this way?"

Jihyo slowly approached her friend, holding her hand and then saying, "There's nothing I want more than to remain as your friend."

Mina smiled and nodded, feeling relief in her chest. She was there for one more reason but it was one that, despite being prepared, she knew that it wasn't time yet. So she enjoyed the afternoon at Jihyo's house, they had lunch together and Mina told her how now Sana and Momo were finally starting to be something. It was hard to believe that the two best friends had decided to accept the love they had for each other but Mina hadn't thought that she would become the third wheel of her friends until Jihyo said so. 

"Are you ready to go to the movies with them and have them making out next to you?" said Jihyo from the other side of the room, lying on her couch.

"Ew no! I'm not going with them and if I go you're going with me!"

"Why me?"

"Because I want to," Mina said laughing just like her friend, and once she finally stopped, Mina spoke, "Jihyo, I'm here for one more reason."

"What is it?"

"I think I'm finally over Nayeon," Mina said in a whisper, her voice barely audible, "Remember when I told you that I didn't want to date anyone until I felt ready? I think I already am."

"Wait, this is a lot to process," Jihyo said as she sat on the couch, her eyes on Mina. "But less than a month ago you were telling me that she didn't talk to you anymore and you were kind of sad about it. What happened?"

"It was hard for me to understand that even in the same city, we were still as distant as when we were miles apart, but now I'm complete," Mina's gaze showed nothing but pure hope and just seeing Jihyo's smile seemed to convey some of it.

"Mina, you don't know how happy I am, I've been waiting this for you for years, you deserve it, you know that," the older girl stood up and walked towards Mina, her arms outstretched to wrap her in a hug. "I know you'll be fine and whoever is lucky enough to be by your side will be worth it."

"So, do I have your blessing?"

"Blessing? Are you getting married or what?"

"No, I just think I need to know that you're okay with this," Mina's voice sounded a little shy but deep inside there was confidence and that was enough for both of them.

"I give you my blessing and I hope you will be happy."

"I hope that we will all be happy," Mina responded, a smile on her pink lips.

The sunset was set and Mina left Jihyo's house for her next destination. Mina liked to walk the streets, it helped her think when there was too much on her mind. Even though she sometimes didn't do it often, today she felt that walking from Jihyo's house to her destination was one of the best things she could do to have the courage to continue on to the next step. Anxiety wanted to take over Mina, but she didn't let it. She knew this was what she had to do and more than that, what she wanted to do. After years of suffering, she was finally sure that the past was always going to be that, the past, and she could no longer live on what was hurting her. Life before Nayeon came back wasn't bad, it was a fun and full of love but Mina didn't feel complete. She always thought that a part of her was gone when the love of her life left and maybe that was true. But today, walking to that coffee shop on the corner, Mina felt complete.

Mina was ready to start from zero. She didn't want to be tied to old chains and memories anymore. It was time to start as if the pain had never existed and Mina could trust and love like never before.

Nayeon was always going to be a part of her as Jihyo once said and every little moment they spent together would always mean everything that a young Mina once loved. Her love for what she and Nayeon experienced in the past was indisputable, every kiss, hug and fight, every problem and tear. Everything felt so alive that Mina decided to bury it once and for all. It was time to break the last chains and be free to be reborn as what Mina was, a girl with a dream.

So, Mina was ready.

In front of the coffee shop where that girl was waiting for her, Mina sighed and look at the sunset for a moment. A smile escaped her lips because that was what she had always wanted, from the beginning of things to the new beginning that is now. 

"I'm ready to meet you again," Mina whispered into the sunset and opened the door of the coffee shop.

Her gaze went straight to the girl at the table by the window, it seemed as if her eyes could only see her and and all the others were just silhouettes. It was curious how her eyes ended up meeting hers and she understood perfectly what she had to do. Mina walked directly to where the girl was waiting for her with the order already done.

A hot chocolate and a black coffee, Nayeon knew too well how much Mina hated coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE END!  
> first of all i wanna say this is my first twice fic, i've been planning to do one but i wasn't sure how to start and now i'm very happy with the outcome and i reallllly hope you all are too.  
> (oh and btw i think some of you are kinda confused, but yeah the girl in the coffee shop IS nayeon!)  
> if there's any suggestion or idea just leave it in the comments! i love to read all your opinions and theories!
> 
> thank you so much for reading :)


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